The late Robert Goulet, acclaimed American singer and actor, provides his golden voice to this funny radio commercial for “The Simpsons” TV series. The spot, titled after the singer himself, was written by Walt Jaschek, produced and directed by Paul Fey for Fox Television when the show was first launched into national syndication. It is part of a campaign promoting what is now considered the most successful launch of a TV show in syndication history. The script is below. By the way, this spot makes a guest appearance in Larry Oakner’s book about funny radio, And Now a Few Laughs From Our Sponsor. It’s recommended.
And now: Robert Goulet…
ANNOUNCER: And now, mister Robert Goulet reads from “The Writings of Bart,” the collected, after-school blackboard writings of young Bart Simpson. Mister Goulet.
MUSIC: Classical, dignified, under
ROBERT GOULET: I will not trade pants with others.
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
I will not Xerox my butt.
A burp is not an answer.
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not bring sheep to class.
I will not instigate revolution.
My name is not Doctor Death.
ANNOUNCER: To experience all of Bart’s after-school blackboard writings, watch every classic episode of The Simpsons.
ROBERT GOULET: I will not call the principal, “Spud Head.”
ANNOUNCER: The Simpsons. Now five times a week.
MUSIC: Up and out
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