To celebrate one of favorite actors revisiting one of our favorite characters, let’s listen again to “Auditions,” a classic Paul & Walt radio spot for “Star Trek: the Next Generation.” In it, we hear a director trying to find the right actor to inhabit Picard. It takes a few tries. Just think: we almost had Eddie Deezen as the Cap!
:30 Radio Script
For: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Writer: Walt Jaschek
SFX: Harp glisten, to indicate a flashback
ANNOUNCER: We take you back now to the auditions for Star Trek: The Next Generation.
DIRECTOR (as if to assembled actors): Okay, people, today we are auditioning for the role of Captain Picard. Please read the line in the script. You, the guy in the bow tie?
NERDY GUY (as nerdy as can be): I am Jean-Luc Picard, captain of the Enterprise…
DIRECTOR (cutting him off): Thank you. You, sir, the next guy?
BAD ACTOR (clunky): I. am. Jean-Luc. Picard…
DIRECTOR (cutting him off): Thank you. Okay, you, sir, the bald guy?
PATRICK STEWART (in perfect Picard speak): I am Jean-Luc Picard, captain of the Enterprise.
DIRECTOR: Hmmm. Uh, bald guy?
PATRICK STEWART: Yes?
DIRECTOR: Do you get air sick at warp speed?
MUSIC: Star Trek theme, under
ANNOUNCER: Star Trek: the Next Generation. One hip starship! Weeknights at 7 on Channel 6
This spot and script are included in my collection of funny, 30-second radio ad script examples.
And why, yes, we have an entire playlist of funny radio commercials. Thanks for asking.
I also have an eBook in development called How to Write Funny Radio Ads and Laugh Your Ads Off.
Funny radio. Love it. Live it. Laugh at it.