Radio Ad Script | “Albert Einstein” in “Marketing Genius”

Dr. Albert Einstein has a new theory. He’s just not sure how to “market” it. In fact, he’s “pulling his hair” over it. And if this genius can’t figure it out, who can? In this dialogue-driven radio commercial, the good doctor is pointed to CreativeWorks, a “one-stop shop for all his marketing materials.” Listen to great Hollywood voice talent having fun in this spot, written and produced by Walt Jaschek for client CreativeWorks of St. Louis, and recorded at World Wide Wadio in Hollywood. The script is below.

SCRIPT
“Marketing Genius”
60-second radio commercial for CreativeWorks

MUSIC INTRO

SOUND FX: LABORATORY SOUNDS, UNDER

HOST: Welcome back to “Creative Thinkers.” Today we’re talking with Dr. Albert Einstein.

EINSTEIN (in German accent): Hello there.

HOST: Hey, Doc, how are you?

EINSTEIN: Oh, fine, fine. (Makes a deliberate joke) At least… relatively.

HOST:  “Rela…”?

(BOTH LAUGH)

HOST: You’re a genius.

EINSTEIN: Danke.

HOST: Hair’s kind of wild, though.

EINSTEIN: Yeah, I’ve been pulling it.

HOST: Pulling it?

EINSTEIN: See, I’ve developed a brand-new theory…

HOST: Really?

EINSTEIN: Und I’ve been putting together a big marketing push for it. But I can’t find one place to handle all my creative materials.

HOST: Have you considered CreativeWorks?

EINSTEIN: CreativeWorks?

HOST: CreativeWorks is the one-stop expert at creating complete advertising and marketing solutions.

EINSTEIN: Even for a genius?

HOST: Especially for a genius.

EINSTEIN: I’m there!

HOST: Good! By the way, Doc, what is your brand new theory?

EINSTEIN: Well, get this. As it turns out, “e” only equals “mc squared” some of the time.

(Beat as they take this news in)

HOST: Uh-oh.

EINSTEIN: Crazy, huh?

HOST: That’ll have an impact.

EINSTEIN: No kidding.

ANNOUNCER: CreativeWorks. Bright ideas…

SOUND FX: LIGHT BULB CHAIN PULLED, HARP GLISTEN, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: …one stop.

SOUND FX: LAST “Tink” OF HARP GLISTEN

FADE OUT

We have an entire playlist of funny radio commercials: 15 and counting!

Want content like this? Brainstorm with Walt.

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Radio Ad Script | “Mr. Rippemoff” for NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters

Funny dialogue and theatre of the mind are at play in this funny radio spot for Miami’s NewsCenter 7 and their fraud-exposing team known as the Wastebusters. In it, a Miami businessman – Mr. Rippemoff – is not happy to hear from his assistant that the Wastebusters are at his office.

This is the kind of spot you don’t hear much anymore: a well acted and produced scene that’s more akin to what one of associates calls “adver-tainment.” It also helps to have clients who want it and appreciate it! (Bless ’em!) Turn up your speakers for…

:60 RADIO SCRIPT
“MISTER RIPPEMOFF”

For: NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters
Writer: Walt Jaschek
Producer: Paul Fey

SOUND FX: OFFICE INTERCOM BUZZES

DOROTHY THE ASSISTANT (voice over intercom): Mister Rippemoff?

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Yes, Dorothy?

DOROTHY: A reporter and crew from NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters is here to see you, sir.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: NewsCenter 7?

DOROTHY: Wastebusters. They expose mind-boggling wastes of taxpayers money right here in the Miami Valley.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: What do they want with me?

DOROTHY: They said you sold the government a ballpoint pen, sir.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: So?

DOROTHY: For a thousand dollars.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Well, it came with refills.

DOROTHY: And a jar of paperclips for two thousand dollars.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: They were multi-colored paperclips.

DOROTHY: Uh-huh.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Red ones, blue ones…

DOROTHY: What should I tell the Wastebusters, sir?

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Do they have lights and cameras?

DOROTHY: And the ballpoint pen, sir.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Tell them I went out my window, down my fire escape, then booked down the street, screaming like a madman.

(beat)

DOROTHY: I don’t think they’ll believe that sir.

SOUND FX: FOOTSTEPS AND WINDOW OPENING

DOROTHY: Mister Rippemoff?

MR. RIPPEMOFF:  (SCREAMING)

DOROTHY: Uh-oh.

MUSIC, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters expose government waste right here in the Miami Valley. And see the Wastebusters in action.

SOUND FX: OUTSIDE TRAFFIC

MR. RIPPEMOFF:  (STILL SCREAMING)

DOROTHY (yelling): You can’t escape them, sir! They’re the Wastebusters!

MR. RIPPEMOFF (running away): I know!

ANNOUNCER: NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters. Weeknights at 6. Coverage you can count on.

DOROTHY (to herself): They’ll find him.

MUSIC OUT

© Paul & Walt Worldwide

Whey, yes, we do have an entire playlist of funny radio commercials. It’s called 15 Funny Radio Commercials to Inspire More of the Same.

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“Big Mistake” | Funny TV Campaign for Channel 4 St. Louis (1985)

St. Louis media history rediscovered! Here are KMOX-TV Channel 4’s “Big Mistake” commercials from 1985, alerting viewers to an error in TV Guide magazine. Writer/director: Paul Fey. Guy on camera: me! Yes, that’s me, Walt Jaschek, at a studio in KMOX-TV (St. Louis,) performing on-camera in 1985. I recently found these spots on 3/4″ tape, … Continue reading “Big Mistake” | Funny TV Campaign for Channel 4 St. Louis (1985)

Walt & Don Launch Boastess® Fructose Pies™

We needed a funny product for a funny comic we’re creating. The thought of emulating a certain sweet treat often featured in the comics of our youth? Delicious. Boastess® Fructose Pies™ There’s a sugar crash in every dash! Concept: Walt JaschekPackage design and copy: Don SecreaseStay tuned to see what we do with these! The … Continue reading Walt & Don Launch Boastess® Fructose Pies™

Christopher McKarton: Retired Detective

He’s seen it all. And solved it all. But when an 8mm movie of his past shows up, Christoper McKarton might be back in the game. The Retired Detective A novel with video By Walt Jaschek My name is Christopher McKarton. I’m a detective. Or I was. I’m retired. Blissfully. I prefer detecting buds in … Continue reading Christopher McKarton: Retired Detective

30-Second Radio Ad Script Examples + Final, Produced Spots

Here are six 30-second radio ad scripts from Walt Jaschek’s copywriting portfolio, along with final, produced radio spots for comparison to the scripts. Helpful!

Need to write a 30-second radio ad script? I could write it for you. Or you can do it yourself, using these 30-second radio ad script examples as inspiration. They might unlock an idea or two.

Hi. I’m Walt Jaschek, and I’ve been writing radio ad scripts for decades, with hundreds produced for brands big and small worldwide.

This site you are on has lots of radio spots I’ve written or co-written; many of them funny, many of them award-winning. There are 14 of them detailed in this companion post.

Culled from that longer set are the below 30-second spots, with scripts, most produced by Paul & Walt Worldwide, so you can see and hear how the writer communicated to clients and collaborators how the final spots should “sound.”

That’s your first, most important job as a writer of radio: to help a reader – a client, an actor, an engineer – “hear” the commercial in his or her head.

Yes, a successful radio spot owes collaborative contributions from the producer. Director. Engineer. Sound designer. Voice talent. And clients courageous enough to do something beyond the boring ordinary. But it starts with the script.

Funny, 30-Second Radio Ad Script #1

“Auditions” for Star Trek: The Next Generation

SFX: Harp glisten, to indicate a flashback

ANNOUNCER: We take you back now to the auditions for Star Trek: The Next Generation.

DIRECTOR (as if to assembled actors): Okay, people, today we are auditioning for the role of Captain Picard. Please read the line in the script. You, the guy in the bow tie?

NERDY GUY (as nerdy as can be): I am Jean-Luc Picard, captain of the Enterprise…

DIRECTOR (cutting him off): Thank you. You, sir, the next guy?

BAD ACTOR (clunky): I. am. Jean-Luc. Picard…

DIRECTOR (cutting him off): Thank you. Okay, you, sir, the bald guy?

PATRICK STEWART (in perfect Picard speak): I am Jean-Luc Picard, captain of the Enterprise.

DIRECTOR: Hmmm. Uh, bald guy?

PATRICK STEWART: Yes?

DIRECTOR: Do you get air sick at warp speed?

MUSIC: Star Trek theme, under

ANNOUNCER: Star Trek: the Next Generation. One hip starship! Weeknights at 7 on Channel 6

MUSIC OUT

Funny, 30-Second Ad Script Example #2

“Magnesium And Phosphorus” for Big Bang Theory

ANNOUNCER (urgent:) Magnesium burns at 2,474 degrees Kelvin.

SOUND FX: Chemicals burning in a lab’s bunsen burner

ANNOUNCER: Phosphorus burns at 3,333 degrees Kelvin.

SOUND FX: Chemicals burning in a lab

ANNOUNCER: And Sheldon Cooper burns… five nights a week.

SHELDON COOPER: You bowl like your Mama… unless of course she bowls well… in which you bowl nothing like her!

SFX: AUDIENCE LAUGHTER

ANNOUNCER: Ouch! On The Big Bang Theory, you draw Sheldon’s fire… you’re gonna get burned!

SHELDON COOPER: That’s what I call a burn on you!

SFX: AUDIENCE LAUGHTER

MUSIC: BIg Bang theme, under

ANNOUNCER: The Big Bang Theory. Five nights a week.

[:05 local TV station tag]

Funny, 30-Second Ad Script Example #3

Listen to the recorded spot and compare it to the script.

“Vibrating Water Bed” for Jeopardy

LAVERNE (seductively): Oh, Larry…

LARRY: I’m watching Jeopardy, LaVerne.

LAVERNE: It’s our honeymoon…

LARRY: All this week, it’s the first round of the Jeopardy Tournament of Champions!

LAVERNE: We have this waterbed…

LARRY: This is primo Jeopardy action! The champ wins a hundred grand!

SOUND FX: VIBRATING WATER BED TURNED ON

LAVERNE (her voice vibrating, too): It’s a vibrating water bed…

LARRY: Sorry, LaVerne! The Tournament of Champions!

LAVERNE (resigned, but her voice still vibrating): Okay..ay..ay..

MUSIC: END OF “JEOPARDY” THEME, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: Jeopardy. Any questions?

LAVERNE (her voice still vibrating): Yeah! How do you turn this thing off?

JEOPARDY THEME CONCLUDES UNDER LOCAL TAG

Funny, 30-Second Radio Ad Script Example #4

Listen to the finished spot and compare it to the script.

“Put Your Tongue on the Radio” for Gene Simmons Family Jewels

ANNOUNCER: Put your tongue on the radio. (beat) Wait, that might be a little tingly. Ahem. Don’t put your tongue on the radio. But do stick your tongue out. That’s right. Keep going. There. Wow, you have a long tongue! Congrats! But it’s all relative, baby, because, you have a teeny-weenie tongue compared to…

GENE SIMMONS: I’m Gene Simmons. Rock God.

SFX: CROWD CHEERS

MUSIC: ROCK KICKS IN

ANNOUNCER: It’s the rock-meets-reality show that licks ‘em all! Gene Simmons Family Jewels – Season 2 premiere! Starring the man who has more talent than you can shake a tongue at.

GENE SIMMONS: Precisely.

ANNOUNCER: Gene Simmons Family Jewels. A&E Sunday. Oh:

MUSIC: OUT

ANNOUNCER: Please put your tongue back in. The guy is the van is staring.

Funny, 30-second Ad Script Example #5

Listen and compare the finished spot to the script.

“I’m Shaving My Head!” for Star: Trek the Next Generation.

MUSIC: STAR TREK THEME MUSIC, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: All over Miami, they’re shaving their heads!

YOUNG MAN (enthusiastically): I’m shaving my head!

SOUND FX: ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPERS, MOVING FROM LEFT STEREO CHANNEL TO RIGHT

ANNOUNCER: Throughout the entire Channel 6 viewing area, they’re shaving their heads!

YOUNG WOMAN (enthusiastically): I’m shaving my head!

SOUND FX: ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPERS

ANNOUNCER: They’re going for… The Jean-Luc Look!

YOUNG COUPLE (simultaneously): We’re shaving our heads!

SOUND FX: ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPERS

ANNOUNCER: Like Captain Jean-Luc Picard, the bold, bald head of “Star Trek: the Next Generation,” weekdays at four on Channell Six. Get the look!

OLD, FUNNY GEEZER GUY (enthusiastically): I’m shavin’ my head!

ANNOUNCER: The Jean-Luc Look! On “Star Trek: The Next Generation.” Weekdays at four on Channel 6.

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES WITH A FLOURISH

Watch “Star Trek: Picard” for free on CBS All Access

Funny, 30-second Radio Ad Script Example #6

Listen to the spot and compare it to the script.

“Millions of Americans” for American Optometric Association

ANNOUNCER: We have with us in the studio millions of Americans. Millions, welcome.

HUGE THRONG (multiple layered voices, as if a “million” people were speaking simultaneously): NICE TO BE HERE.

ANNOUNCER: We’re asking millions of Americans to get their children’s eyes examined once a year.

HUGE THRONG: ONCE A YEAR?

ANNOUNCER: Right! All in favor of annual eye exams for children three and up, say “Aye!”

HUGE THRONG: AYE!

ANNOUNCER: Say, “Eye care means you care.”

HUGE THRONG: “EYE CARE MEANS YOU CARE.”

ANNOUNCER: Say, “Sally sells sea shells by the seashore.”

HUGE THRONG (getting the tongue twister wrong:) SALLY SHELLS SHE SELLS…

ANNOUNCER: Gotcha!

HUGE THRONG (sheepish): …BY THE SHE-SORE.

ANNOUNCER: A public service message from the American Optometric Association.

Scripts © Walt Jaschek. Spots © Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved.

More on my YouTube channel.

See also: 15 Funny Radio Ads To Inspire More of the Same

Want great copywriting like this? Contact Walt.


Walt Jaschek is a writer of comics, comedy and copy for big brands. For his work creating funny, award-winning ad campaigns for the entertainment industry, he was inducted in 2018 into the St. Louis Media Hall of Fame. Declaring “I’m not history yet,” Walt is writing new content daily.

Bonus: See writer Walt try out his new HyperX Quadcast home office microphone, and check current price of this mic on Amazon.

That’s an #affiliate link. Help support this site!

Come on, you know you want to know how much this cool mic costs. #affiliate – Walt

“Cellular Guy” Radio Ad Scripts for Southwestern Bell Mobile Systems

This radio commercial for early generation Southwestern Bell mobile phones established a lively, ear-catching format we used often: a droll voice offering product benefits interlaced with stand-up-comedy-style gags. Great examples of this technique are here in our “Cellular Guy” campaign for Southwestern Bell Mobile Systems, which ran for months in multiple markets in the early 1990s. The spots won Clio Awards, Addy Awards and an International Broadcast Award for Best Radio Copywriting.

Here are three scripts in the campaign, all written by Walt Jaschek and produced by Paul Fey at production company Paul & Walt Worldwide for agency Simmons, Durham & Associates.

Cellular Guy Spot #1
“Crystal Clear”
:60 Radio Script

MUSIC: A modern version of “I Get Around,” a song originally recorded by The Beach Boys.

CELLULAR GUY (extremely deadpan throughout:) I get around. When I talk on a Southwestern Bell Cellular Phone, my voice is crystal clear. That’s amazing, considering it’s not really that clear in person.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

CELLULAR GUY: I put a Southwestern Bell phone antenna on my head and walked into a crowded restaurant. Forty-two attorneys tried to “dial out” on me.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

CELLULAR GUY: Southwestern Bell cell service is so clear, when I’m talking to my girlfriend, it’s as if she’s right next to me. I can actually hear her withdrawing.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

CELLULAR GUY: Southwestern Bell has cell service that’s trouble-free. But then, trouble is always free.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

ANNOUNCER: No wonder more people go more places… with Southwestern Bell Mobile Systems.

CELLULAR GUY: Someday, Southwestern Bell will be able to break us down molecularly and send our bodies through cellular phones. This might be a long way off, but just in case, I’m getting a haircut.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

Cellular Guy Spot #2
“Voice Mail”
:60 Radio Script

MUSIC: A modern version of “I Get Around,” a song originally recorded by The Beach Boys.

CELLULAR GUY (extremely deadpan throughout:) I get around. So I signed up for Southwestern Bell Mobile Systems voice mail. I used to leery about sending voice mail. I wasn’t sure I was putting enough stamps on it.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

CELLULAR GUY: Voice mail is easy. Think of it as rolling up a little yellow sticky note, jamming it into your cellular phone, and having it pop out somewhere else. Think of it like that. Don’t actually do it.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

CELLULAR GUY: You can send the same messages to multiple places simultaneously. This is especially handy when trying to set up lunch with the Supreme Court.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

CELLULAR GUY: And with message notification, your car will call you at your office to tell you there’s a message. It could also call just to say “hello.”

MUSIC UP AND OUT

ANNOUNCER: No wonder more people go more places… with Southwestern Bell Mobile Systems.

CELLULAR GUY: I mean, just the other day, I was saying, you know, my car never calls me anymore.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

Cellular Guy Spot #3
“Custom Calling”
:60 Radio Script

MUSIC: A modern version of “I Get Around,” a song originally recorded by The Beach Boys.

CELLULAR GUY (extremely deadpan throughout:) I get around. I’ve got all the Southwestern Bell Mobile Systems custom calling features on my cellular phone. Three-way calling, call waiting, call forwarding. Now I need call avoiding.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

CELLULAR GUY: Call waiting is great. And it’s better than the original name, “call interruptus.” I’m glad they changed it.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

CELLULAR GUY: Call forwarding is also cool. You can forward your home calls to your car, your car calls to your office, and your office calls to somebody who actually cares.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

CELLULAR GUY: And I love three-way calling. I can talk to my wife and my best friend, and it’s like they’re in the same room. Problem is, they are in the same room.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

ANNOUNCER: No wonder more people go more places… with Southwestern Bell Mobile Systems.

CELLULAR GUY: Here’s another great three-way use. I dial my new boss, then I add my old boss on the same line. Then I hang up and let them psychologically torment each other.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

Scripts and spots © 1991 – 2021 Paul & Walt Worldwide

From the International Broadcast Awards program book, 1991:

Award-winning script for Cellular Guy “Custom Calling”
Award-winning script for Cellular Guy “Voice Mail”

More fun like this on my YouTube channel.

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Hero Nots™

Are they heroes? Are they super? NOT. The new, reluctant team from writer Walt Jaschek and Walt Now Films now has its own site. Hero Nots™ Episode 1 Screenplay by Walt Jaschek This is an excerpt from The Hero Nots screenplay I’m writing. Hope to wrap up the script in 2021, cast and shoot in … Continue reading Hero Nots™

Satin Brass™ Now on Kindle Vella

Walt serializes his new comic book script on the new Kindle Vella platform. It’s the pilot episode for action hero Satin Brass™, Overdue Accounts Collector. You can read the first three chapters for free on Kindle Vella. Then purchase tokens from Vella to unlock more chapters! Satin Brass is a high-tech bounty hunter in a … Continue reading Satin Brass™ Now on Kindle Vella

Walt “calls in” to St. Louis Media Hall of Fame Ceremony

The St. Louis Media History Foundation asked Walt to add some comedy to its 2021 Hall of Fame video. This “Zoom call” is the result. Congratulations to the new honorees in the St. Louis Media Hall of Fame, which due to The Current Situation is a video celebration only, archived on YouTube.Ken Ohlemeyer Jr., producer … Continue reading Walt “calls in” to St. Louis Media Hall of Fame Ceremony

Radio Ad Script | The Ballad of Judge Wapner | People’s Court

Grab your gavels for a big birthday: the late Judge Wapner would have turned 100 this month. It’s true. November 19, 2019 will mark the 100th anniversary of the birth of Joseph Albert Wapner, legendary TV judge and pop culture icon.

Britannica reminds us of his significance: “Born November 15, 1919, in Los Angeles, California. Died February 26, 2017, in Los Angeles. American jurist and TV personality who presided (1981–93) over The People’s Court, an immensely popular syndicated TV show in which plaintiffs and defendants from California small claims court argued their cases and accepted the judge’s ruling.”

Back in the early 90s, Paul Fey and I were creating (as Paul & Walt Worldwide) a lot of radio and TV content for King World, the show’s syndicator. When we were tasked with finding a fresh approach for promoting it, I wrote the script (below) for “The Ballad of Judge Wapner,” a funny, 60-second radio commercial celebrating what fans loved about the show.

Here it is, voiced by the late Lance LeGault. It’s now captioned with lyrics, also posted beneath.

Lyrics by Walt Jaschek

MUSIC: COWBOY BALLAD-STYLE, UNDER

COWBOY: He sits in judgment
He stands for the law
Kinda looks like a hero
And sounds like your Pa

BACK-UP SINGERS: WAPNER!

MUSIC: HARMONICA WAILS

COWBOY: He smiles and he laughs
His voice tinged with gravel
But the bad-guys just gasp
When he bangs his big gavel

BACK-UP SINGERS: WAPNER!

COWBOY: Judge Wapner.

BACK-UP SINGERS: JUDGE WAPNER!

HARMONICA WAILS

COWBOY: When neighbors brawl
When lovers refute
When suppliers and buyers and liars dispute 
Wapner won’t let those lawbooks get dusty 
Got a buddy named Doug
And a sidekick named Rusty

BACK-UP SINGERS: RUSTY!

COWBOY: With Wapner.

BACK-UP SINGERS: JUDGE WAPNER!

HARMONICA WAILS

COWBOY: Doesn’t do it from towers
Doesn’t do it from steeples
He does it in court
A court called “People’s”

ANNOUNCER: Judge Wapner rules on “The People’s Court”

BACK-UP SINGERS: SONG OVER!

COWBOY: Song over.

HARMONICA WAILS, OUT

Bonus! Here’s a :30 TV version of the ballad! What a 1990s flashback this is!

© Paul & Walt Worldwide

See also: 15 Funny Radio Commercials to Inspire More of the Same

Walt Jaschek is writer of comedy, comics and copy. Follow, like, comment!

Radio Ad Script | Viva La Volvo

“Viva La Volvo” is a funny, 60-second radio spot created by Paul & Walt Worldwide for the Southern California Dealers Association. It amusingly depicts a woman’s love and obsession with her Volvo.

The commercial won many advertising industry awards and serves as a good example of strong radio copywriting. The production technique, energetic music cutting in and out of funny “one-liners,” was used frequently by writer Walt Jaschek and producer Paul Fey for their radio campaigns on behalf of national brands.

First, the spot, followed by the script.

“Viva La Volvo” :60 Radio
Southern California Volvo Dealers
Script by Walt Jaschek

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: A friend of mine said he wanted to talk to me about my Volvo. I said, “Thank you — that’s between me and my gynecologist.”

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: He said, “No, no, your car — your Volvo 850 Turbo Sportswagon.” I said, “Oh, that. No, you can’t drive it.”

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: Oh, I love my Volvo. Sure, it’s safe, but, gee, just because driving on the freeways of Southern California is the equivalent of playing bumper cars at the speed of light, what kind of reason is that?

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: Volvos are still ultra-luxury imports. Sleek and gorgeous and loaded to here. Safe and sexy and… (BEAT AS SHE STOPS HERSELF) Pardon me, I have to go hug my car now.

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: Want safe AND sexy? Viva La Volvo! Test-drive a Volvo at your Southern California Volvo dealer.

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: “Since when is safe sexy?,” another friend asked. “Hey,” I said, “what decade are YOU living in?”

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM RESOLVE INTO FINISH

© Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved. If you want a commercial like this, contact us and we’ll craft one equally funny and memorable.

Bonus: See writer Walt try out his new HyperX Quadcast home office microphone, and check current price of this mic on Amazon.

That’s an #affiliate link. Help support this site!

Come on, you know you want to know how much this cool mic costs. -Walt #affiliate

Radio Ad Script “Robert Goulet” | For The Simpsons

The late Robert Goulet, acclaimed American singer and actor, provides his golden voice to this funny radio commercial for “The Simpsons” TV series. The spot, titled after the singer himself, was was written by Walt Jaschek, produced and directed by Paul Fey of Paul & Walt Wordwide, for Fox Television and when the show was first launched into national syndication. It is part of a campaign promoting what is now considered the most successful launch of a TV show in syndication history. Script is below. By the way, this spot makes a guest appearance in Larry Oakner’s book about funny radio, And Now a Few Laughs From Our Sponsor. It’s recommended.

Ready to hear the spot? Great. And now: Robert Goulet…


RADIO AD SCRIPT

ANNOUNCER: And now, mister Robert Goulet reads from “The Writings of Bart,” the collected, after-school blackboard writings of young Bart Simpson. Mister Goulet.

MUSIC: Classical, dignified, under

ROBERT GOULET: I will not trade pants with others.

I will not do that thing with my tongue.

I will not Xerox my butt.

A burp is not an answer.

I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.

I will not eat things for money.

I will not bring sheep to class.

I will not instigate revolution.

My name is not Doctor Death.

ANNOUNCER: To experience all of Bart’s after-school blackboard writings, watch every classic episode of The Simpsons.

ROBERT GOULET: I will not call the principal, “Spud Head.”

ANNOUNCER: The Simpsons. Now five times a week.

MUSIC: Up and out

© Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved. If you want a commercial like this, contact us and we’ll craft one equally funny and memorable.

Listen to our entire playlist of funny radio commercials on YouTube.

Subscribe to Walt’s YouTube channel.

Radio Ad Script | “Missing Persons” for Matlock

This funny radio ad for the TV series “Matlock” was written by Walt Jaschek, and produced by Paul Fey. The spot garnered advertising’s Clio Award for “Best Radio Copywriting.” It stars Tom Poston, Harvey Atkin and Orson Bean.

Click and enjoy!

“Missing Persons”
:60 Radio
Script by Walt Jaschek

SFX: Telephone ring, followed by phone pick-up. “Dragnet”-style staccato dialogue ensues.

TOUGH-TALKING COP: Missing Persons.

GOOFY CALLER (phone filtered:) Missing Persons?

COP: Missing Persons.

CALLER: My wife is missing!

COP: Your wife is missing?

CALLER: My wife is missing.

COP: When did you last see her, sir?

CALLER: Four o’clock.

COP: Four o’clock?

CALLER: Four o’clock.

COP: Uh, where’s your TV, sir?

CALLER: The bedroom.

COP: Have you checked IN the bedroom, sir?

CALLER: No.

COP: She’s probably watching “Matlock!”

CALLER: “Matlock” is on at four o’clock?

COP: Every weekday at four on Channel Two. Go check your bedroom, sir. I’ll wait.

CALLER: Okay.

[LONG SOUND FX STRETCH: Caller puts down the phone. He walks down a hallway. He opens the bedroom door. We hear a few seconds of Matlock (“Your honor, I…”) The caller closes the bedroom door. He walks back down the hallway. He picks up the phone.]

CALLER: Hello?

COP: I’m here.

CALLER: She’s watching “Matlock!”

COP: I thought so.

CALLER: I didn’t know “Matlock” was on at four o’clock.

CALLER: Every weekday at four on Channel Two.

CALLER: She really likes Andy Griffith!

COP: Of course she does.

CALLER: She was so busy watching “Matlock,” she forgot to tell me where she was!

COP: Tell her I understand.

CALLER: Okay.

SFX: The caller puts down phone, walks down hallway again.


COP: Wait! I didn’t mean now! Sir? Sir?

SFX: Caller opens bedroom door. Matlock is still playing.

CALLER: Hey! My favorite episode!

ANNOUNCER: “Matlock.” Weekdays at four on Channel Two. Because there’s nothing like a good mystery!

COP: I’m hanging up now sir. Sir?

FADE OUT

© Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved. If you want a commercial like this, contact us.

See also:

14 Funny Radio Ads to Inspire More of the Same

30-Second Radio Ad Script Examples

Walt’s YouTube Channel of Funny Radio

Please comment!

Radio Ad Script | Budweiser | Star-In-Your-Own Commercial

Guys! Have you ever wanted to star in your own beer commercial? Well, now you can, thanks to this Budweiser radio spot that will “cue” you to say *YOUR NAME* during a very romantic scenario. So open a couple of long-necks and enjoy your “date” with a woman who is, evidently, “both a neurosurgeon AND a swimwear model.” We think you’ll do very well in your first commercial! Let us know how it goes.

Here’s the version of the spot we did for men. We also did a version for women. Will find that and post soon!.

ANNOUNCER: Budweiser presents…

[SOUND FX: DRUMROLL]

ANNOUNCER: …the world’s first “Star-In-Your-Own” Radio Commercial!

[DRUMROLL OUT]

ANNOUNCER: Okay, guys, whenever you hear this sound…

[SOUND FX: DING!]

ANNOUNCER: …insert your name.

SEXY WOMAN: Hi, there…

[SOUND FX: DING!]

ANNOUNCER: Your name.

SEXY WOMAN: Sorry I’m late. Sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in the day to be both a neurosurgeon AND a swimwear model! Oh, am I thirsty! How about it…

[SOUND FX: DING!]

SEXY WOMAN: …got anything tall and cool?

[SOUND FX: BOTTLETOP POPPING]

SEXY WOMAN: Ooo! Budwesier Long-Necks! Oh…

[SOUND FX: DING!]

SEXY WOMAN: You are so thoughtful.

[SOUND FX: BEER POURING INTO GLASS]

SEXY WOMAN: But of course. Bud’s the first choice for every occasion. [SIPS] Ah, you know,, I have a confession to make. If I ever had a son, I’d want to name him…

[SOUND FX: DING!]

SEXY WOMAN: Oh…

[SOUND FX: DING!]

ANNOUNCER: Your name.

SEXY WOMAN: Come here. Now! Mmmmm.

[SOUND FX: DING!]

ANNOUNCER: Your name!

[SOUND FX: DING!]

ANNOUNCER: Your name!

[SOUND FX: DING!]

ANNOUNCER: Your name! (chuckling): Well! You did very well in first commercial! Have a Bud. You’ve earned it!

JINGLE: This Bud’s for…

SOUND FX: DING!

ANNOUNCER: Anheuser Busch. St. Louis.

Writer: Walt Jaschek | Producer/Director: Paul Fey | Production: Bill Schulenberg

Listen to our full playlist of funny radio commercials on You Tube.
Subscribe to Walt’s YouTube channel.

Radio Ad Script | “Laugh Catalog”

One of the first radio collaborations between Walt Jaschek and Paul Fey was this Clio-award-winning spot (“Best Use of Sound”) for George Schlatter’s Comedy Club, a King World TV series showcasing stand-up comics.

When tasked with promoting the upcoming premiere, the duo had no access to clips. “Got no options, got no problems,” they said. No existing content freed them from using clips, and pushed their thinking. “What’s the real, human benefit of this kind of show?,” they asked, and came up with an answer: laughing out loud. The idea for “cataloging” types of laughter was born during a brainstorm on Walt’s front porch, but turning it into great audio fell to producer/director Paul, engineer Bill Schulenburg, and some very funny laughers from the L.A. talent pool. Tip: listen ’til the end.

The script to this spot (read it below) was featured in the book about funny radio commercials, And Now a Few Laughs from Our Sponsors #ad.

RADIO AD SCRIPT
“Laugh Catalog”
:60

MUSIC: Dignified piano, under

PROFESSOR (as if reciting types of laughter in a slide presentation:)
Number Seventeen. The Chuckle.

SFX: A MAN CHUCKLING

PROFESSOR: Number Twenty-Two. The Giggle.

SFX: A WOMAN GIGGLING

PROFESSOR: Number Forty-Nine. The Chortle.

SFX: A WOMAN CHORTLING

PROFESSOR. Number Fifty-Six. The Snort.

SFX: A WOMAN SNORTING

PROFESSOR: Number Sixty-One. The Nasal Burst.

SFX: A MAN NASAL BURSTING

PROFESSOR: Number Sixty-Two. The Sputtering Burst.

SFX: A MAN SPUTTERING THEN NASAL BURSTING

PROFESSOR: Number Seventy-Four. The Cackle.

SFX: A WOMAN CACKLING

ANNOUNCER: The proceeding laughter was brought to you by George Schlatter’s Comedy Club, the new TV show featuring the freshest faces in stand-up comedy.

PROFESSOR: Number One Hundred and Seventeen. The Guffaw.

SFX: A MAN GUFFAWING

PROFESSOR: Number One Hundred and Seventeen “A.” The Guffaw with Wheeze.

SFX: A MAN GUFFAWING, THEN ADDING THE PERFECT WHEEZE

ANNOUNCER: George Schlatter’s Comedy Club. From the creator of Laugh-In.

SFX: GUFFAWING CONTINUES AND FADES OUT WITH MUSIC

© Writers Walt Jaschek and Paul Fey

See also:

15 funny radio commercials to inspire more of the same.

30-second radio ad script examples.

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Jingle Writing: Missouri Tourism | “Refresh” | Lyrics by Walt Jaschek

“The Refresh Song” | Lyrics by Walt Jaschek | Produced by Paul Fey | Music by Mathews Griffith

“The Refresh Song” is a country-western-style jingle promoting “the magic of Missouri,” with lyrics by Walt Jaschek. It was commissioned by the Missouri Department of Tourism, and ran on radio stations throughout the midwest, promoting Missouri vacations. Walt’s repeated use of the syllable “re” makes for an engaging, ear-pleasing hook. (One person on the department’s staff commented: “Gee, that’s a lot of ‘re’ words.”) Take a listen, and read:

“The Refresh Song” lyrics

Refresh, come on and rediscover
Recharge and rewind;
Retreat, rekindle and recover
Restore your store of mind!

Replay, recreate a memory,
Relax your cares away,
Return to the magic of Missouri
And make your getaway!

Revive, get recuperated,
Reap your reward;
Rejoice, get rejuvenated,
Just beyond your own backyard.

Reach out, grab your lovin’ family
Take time off and play
Return to the magic of Missouri
And make your getaway!

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