Radio Copywriting: “Albert Einsten” in “Marketing Genius”

Humor Writing, Radio Commercials

Dr. Albert Einstein has a new theory. He’s just not sure how to “market” it. In fact, he’s “pulling his hair” over it. And if this genius can’t figure it out, who can? In this dialogue-driven radio commercial, the good doctor is pointed to CreativeWorks, a “one-stop shop for all his marketing materials.” Listen to great Hollywood voice talent having fun in this spot, written and produced by Walt Jaschek for client CreativeWorks of St. Louis, and recorded at World Wide Wadio in Hollywood. The script is below.

SCRIPT
“Marketing Genius”
60-second radio commercial for CreativeWorks

MUSIC INTRO

SOUND FX: LABORATORY SOUNDS, UNDER

HOST: Welcome back to “Creative Thinkers.” Today we’re talking with Dr. Albert Einstein.

EINSTEIN (in German accent): Hello there.

HOST: Hey, Doc, how are you?

EINSTEIN: Oh, fine, fine. (Makes a deliberate joke) At least… relatively.

HOST:  “Rela…”?

(BOTH LAUGH)

HOST: You’re a genius.

EINSTEIN: Danke.

HOST: Hair’s kind of wild, though.

EINSTEIN: Yeah, I’ve been pulling it.

HOST: Pulling it?

EINSTEIN: See, I’ve developed a brand-new theory…

HOST: Really?

EINSTEIN: Und I’ve been putting together a big marketing push for it. But I can’t find one place to handle all my creative materials.

HOST: Have you considered CreativeWorks?

EINSTEIN: CreativeWorks?

HOST: CreativeWorks is the one-stop expert at creating complete advertising and marketing solutions.

EINSTEIN: Even for a genius?

HOST: Especially for a genius.

EINSTEIN: I’m there!

HOST: Good! By the way, Doc, what is your brand new theory?

EINSTEIN: Well, get this. As it turns out, “e” only equals “mc squared” some of the time.

(Beat as they take this news in)

HOST: Uh-oh.

EINSTEIN: Crazy, huh?

HOST: That’ll have an impact.

EINSTEIN: No kidding.

ANNOUNCER: CreativeWorks. Bright ideas…

SOUND FX: LIGHT BULB CHAIN PULLED, HARP GLISTEN, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: …one stop.

SOUND FX: LAST “Tink” OF HARP GLISTEN

FADE OUT

We have an entire playlist of funny radio commercials: 15 and counting!

Want content like this? Brainstorm with Walt.

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Radio Copywriting: “Mr. Rippemoff” for NewsCenter 7

Humor Writing, Radio Commercials, scriptwriting

Funny dialogue and theatre of the mind are at play in this radio spot for Miami’s NewsCenter 7 and their fraud-exposing team of reporters known as the Wastebusters. In it, a Miami businessman – Mr. Rippemoff – is not happy to hear from his assistant Dorothy that the Wastebusters are in his outer office. This is the kind of spot you don’t hear much anymore: a well acted and produced scene that’s more akin to what one of associates calls “adver-tainment.” It also helps to have clients who want it and appreciate it! (Bless ’em!) Turn up your speakers for…

:60 RADIO SCRIPT
“MISTER RIPPEMOFF”
For: NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters
Writer: Walt Jaschek
Producer: Paul Fey

SOUND FX: OFFICE INTERCOM BUZZES

DOROTHY THE ASSISTANT (voice over intercom): Mister Rippemoff?

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Yes, Dorothy?

DOROTHY: A reporter and crew from NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters is here to see you, sir.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: NewsCenter 7?

DOROTHY: Wastebusters. They expose mind-boggling wastes of taxpayers money right here in the Miami Valley.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: What do they want with me?

DOROTHY: They said you sold the government a ballpoint pen, sir.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: So?

DOROTHY: For a thousand dollars.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Well, it came with refills.

DOROTHY: And a jar of paperclips for two thousand dollars.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: They were multi-colored paperclips.

DOROTHY: Uh-huh.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Red ones, blue ones…

DOROTHY: What should I tell the Wastebusters, sir?

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Do they have lights and cameras?

DOROTHY: And the ballpoint pen, sir.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Tell them I went out my window, down my fire escape, then booked down the street, screaming like a madman.

(beat)

DOROTHY: I don’t think they’ll believe that sir.

SOUND FX: FOOTSTEPS AND WINDOW OPENING

DOROTHY: Mister Rippemoff?

MR. RIPPEMOFF:  (SCREAMING)

DOROTHY: Uh-oh.

MUSIC, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters expose government waste right here in the Miami Valley. And see the Wastebusters in action.

SOUND FX: OUTSIDE TRAFFIC

MR. RIPPEMOFF:  (STILL SCREAMING)

DOROTHY (yelling): You can’t escape them, sir! They’re the Wastebusters!

MR. RIPPEMOFF (running away): I know!

ANNOUNCER: NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters. Weeknights at 6. Coverage you can count on.

DOROTHY (to herself): They’ll find him.

MUSIC OUT

© Paul & Walt Worldwide

Whey, yes, we do have an entire playlist of funny radio commercials. It’s called 15 Funny Radio Commercials to Inspire More of the Same.

Star Trek: Picard Coming to CBS All Access: Handy Link, Classic Spots

Entertainment, Radio Commercials, TV Promotion

He’s bold. He’s bald. He’s back. “Star Trek: Picard” starring Patrick Stewart is streaming NOW on CBS All Access. You can try it for free for a week and gets tons of Trek, old and new.

Cancel anytime in first seven days. You can watch a lot of Trek in that time.

Here are some funny, Picard-loving commercials for his previous show, Next Generation, which you can still watch on Prime Video. In the first campaign – both TV and radio – devoted Picard lover say they are “shaving their heads” to declare their fandom.

And last but not least, we take you back to the original auditions for the role of Jean-Luc Picard!

Hope you’ve enjoyed these audio flashbacks to an earlier era of Picard, and join us in watching the new show!

Radio Copywriting | “Cellular Guy” | Funny Spot for Southwestern Bell

Humor Writing, Radio Commercials, Walt Jaschek on Camera

This radio commercial for early generation Southwestern Bell mobile phones established a lively, ear-catching format we used often: a stand-up comic tossing off one-liners about the product, interspersed with upbeat music. The one-liners were often self deprecating: hard to imagine brands having this much fun with themselves these days!

The spot won Clio Awards and Addy Awards, and established a campaign of spots that ran for months.

By the way, that image in the thumbnail is Walt himself, holding his beloved iPhone 7, recommended. Check Amazon for current pricing.

Script

Writer: Walt Jaschek
Producer: Paul Fey
Agency: Paul & Walt Worldwide

Urgent and lively MUSIC begins. It’s a version of “I Get Around,” a song originally recorded by The Beach Boys. The music drops out for observations about cell service from a very droll, dry stand-up comic.

“I GET AROUND” MUSIC UP AND OUT

COMIC: I get around. When I talk on a Southwestern Bell Cellular Phone, my voice is crystal clear. That’s amazing, considering it’s not really that clear in person.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

COMIC: I put a Southwestern Bell phone antenna on my head and walked into a crowded restaurant. Forty-two attorneys tried to “dial out” on me.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

COMIC: Southwestern Bell cell service is so clear, when I’m talking to my girlfriend, it’s as if she’s right next to me. I can actually hear her withdrawing.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

COMIC: Southwestern Bell has cell service that’s trouble-free. But then, trouble is always free.

ANNOUNCER: No wonder more people go more places… with Southwestern Bell Mobile Systems.

COMIC: Someday, Southwestern Bell will be able to break us down molecularly and send our bodies through cellular phones. This might be a long way off, but just in case, I’m getting a haircut.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

© Paul & Walt Worldwide

Radio Copywriting | The Ballad of Judge Wapner | People’s Court

Funny Stuff, Music, Radio Commercials

Grab your gavels for a big birthday: the late Judge Wapner would have turned 100 this month. It’s true. November 19, 2019 will mark the 100th anniversary of the birth of Joseph Albert Wapner, legendary TV judge and pop culture icon.

Britannica reminds us of his significance: “Born November 15, 1919, in Los Angeles, California. Died February 26, 2017, in Los Angeles. American jurist and TV personality who presided (1981–93) over The People’s Court, an immensely popular syndicated TV show in which plaintiffs and defendants from California small claims court argued their cases and accepted the judge’s ruling.”

Back in the early 90s, Paul Fey and I were creating (as Paul & Walt Worldwide) a lot of radio and TV content for King World, the show’s syndicator. When we were tasked with finding a fresh approach for promoting it, I wrote the script (below) for “The Ballad of Judge Wapner,” a funny, 60-second radio commercial celebrating what fans loved about the show.

Here it is, voiced by the late Lance LeGault. It’s now captioned with lyrics, also posted beneath.

Lyrics by Walt Jaschek

MUSIC: COWBOY BALLAD-STYLE, UNDER

COWBOY: He sits in judgment
He stands for the law
Kinda looks like a hero
And sounds like your Pa

BACK-UP SINGERS: WAPNER!

MUSIC: HARMONICA WAILS

COWBOY: He smiles and he laughs
His voice tinged with gravel
But the bad-guys just gasp
When he bangs his big gavel

BACK-UP SINGERS: WAPNER!

COWBOY: Judge Wapner.

BACK-UP SINGERS: JUDGE WAPNER!

HARMONICA WAILS

COWBOY: When neighbors brawl
When lovers refute
When suppliers and buyers and liars dispute 
Wapner won’t let those lawbooks get dusty 
Got a buddy named Doug
And a sidekick named Rusty

BACK-UP SINGERS: RUSTY!

COWBOY: With Wapner.

BACK-UP SINGERS: JUDGE WAPNER!

HARMONICA WAILS

COWBOY: Doesn’t do it from towers
Doesn’t do it from steeples
He does it in court
A court called “People’s”

ANNOUNCER: Judge Wapner rules on “The People’s Court”

BACK-UP SINGERS: SONG OVER!

COWBOY: Song over.

HARMONICA WAILS, OUT

© Paul & Walt Worldwide

See also: 15 Funny Radio Commercials to Inspire More of the Same

Walt Jaschek is writer of comedy, comics and copy. Follow, like, comment!

30-Second Radio Ad Script Examples (With Recorded Spots for Comparison)

30-second radio ad script samples, Radio Commercials

Looking for 30-second radio ad script examples? Here are five 30-second scripts from my radio advertising portfolio, along with recorded spots for comparison. Hi. I’m Walt Jaschek, and I’ve been writing radio ad scripts for 40 years, which is amazing, considering I’m only 30 years old.

This site has many radio commercials, often funny, sometimes award-winning. There are 15 of them here: both 60-second and 30-second examples.

Culled from those are the below 30-second spots, so you can see and hear how I, as the writer, communicated to the reader (and producer) how the spot should “sound.” A radio spot is really only as good as the actors. And the producer. And the director. And clients courageous enough to do something beyond the boring ordinary.

But it all starts with the script.

Proudly created on Walt’s beloved MacBook Air. Check current price on Amazon.

30-second radio ad script, with recorded spot: “Phosphorus and Magnesium” For “Big Bang Theory.”

“Magnesium and Phosphorus” (AKA “Sheldon’s Burns”)
30-Second Radio Ad Script
For: “The Big Bang Theory”
Writer: Walt Jaschek

ANNOUNCER: Magnesum burns at 2,474 degrees Kelvin.

SOUND FX: Chemicals burning in a lab

ANNOUNCER: Phosphorus burns at 3,333 degrees Kelvin.

SOUND FX: Chemicals burning in a lab

ANNOUNCER: And Sheldon Cooper burns… five nights a week.

SHELDON COOPER: You bowl like your Mama… unless of course she bowls well… in which you bowl nothing like her!

(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)

ANNOUNCER: Ouch! On The Big Bang Theory, you draw Sheldon’s fire… you’re gonna get burned!

SHELDON COOPER: That’s what I call a burn on you!

(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)

MUSIC: BIg Bang theme, under

ANNOUNCER: The Big Bang Theory. Five nights a week.

[:05 local TV station tag]

30-second radio ad script, with recorded spot: “I’m Shaving My Head!” For “Star: Trek the Next Generation.”

Listen and compare the finished spot to the script.

Watch “Star Trek: Picard” for free on CBS All Access

“I’m Shaving My Head!”
30-Second Radio Ad Script
For: “Star Trek: the Next Generation”
Writer: Walt Jaschek

MUSIC: STAR TREK THEME MUSIC, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: All over Miami, they’re shaving their heads!

YOUNG MAN (enthusiastically): I’m shaving my head!

SOUND FX: ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPERS, MOVING FROM LEFT STEREO CHANNEL TO RIGHT

ANNOUNCER: Throughout the entire Channel 6 viewing area, they’re shaving their heads!

YOUNG WOMAN (enthusiastically): I’m shaving my head!

SOUND FX: ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPERS

ANNOUNCER: They’re going for… The Jean-Luc Look!

YOUNG COUPLE (simultaneously): We’re shaving our heads!

SOUND FX: ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPERS

ANNOUNCER: Like Captain Jean-Luc Picard, the bold, bald head of “Star Trek: the Next Generation,” weekdays at four on Channell Six. Get the look!

OLD, FUNNY GEEZER GUY (enthusiastically): I’m shavin’ my head!

ANNOUNCER: The Jean-Luc Look! On “Star Trek: The Next Generation.” Weekdays at four on Channel 6.

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES WITH A FLOURISH

Watch “Star Trek: Picard” for free on CBS All Access

30-second radio ad script sample, with recorded spot: “Millions of Americans,” public service announcement for The American Optometric Association

Listen to the spot and compare it to the script.

30-Second Radio Ad Script
“Millions of Americans”
For: American Optometric Association
Writer: Walt Jaschek

ANNOUNCER: We have with us in the studio millions of Americans. Millions, welcome.

HUGE THRONG (multiple layered voices, as if a “million” people were speaking simultaneously): NICE TO BE HERE.

ANNOUNCER: We’re asking millions of Americans to get their children’s eyes examined once a year.

HUGE THRONG: ONCE A YEAR?

ANNOUNCER: Right! All in favor of annual eye exams for children three and up, say “Aye!”

HUGE THRONG: AYE!

ANNOUNCER: Say, “Eye care means you care.”

HUGE THRONG: “EYE CARE MEANS YOU CARE.”

ANNOUNCER: Say, “Sally sells sea shells by the seashore.”

HUGE THRONG: SALLY SHELLS SHE SELLS…

ANNOUNCER: Gotcha!

HUGE THRONG (sheepish): …BY THE SHE-SORE.

ANNOUNCER: A public service message from the American Optometric Association.

30-second radio ad script sample, with recorded spot: “Vibrating Water Bed” for “Jeopardy Tournament of Champions”

Listen to the recorded spot and compare it to the script.

30-Second Radio Ad Script
Title: “Vibrating Water Bed”
For: Jeopardy
Writer: Walt Jaschek

LAVERNE (seductively): Oh, Larry…

LARRY: I’m watching Jeopardy, LaVerne.

LAVERNE: It’s our honeymoon…

LARRY: All this week, it’s the first round of the Jeopardy Tournament of Champions!

LAVERNE: We have this waterbed…

LARRY: This is primo Jeopardy action! The champ wins a hundred grand!

SOUND FX: Vibrating water bed is turned on.

LAVERNE (her voice vibrating, too): It’s a vibrating water bed…

LARRY: Sorry, LaVerne! The Tournament of Champions!

LAVERNE (resigned, but her voice still vibrating): Okay..ay..ay..

MUSIC: END OF “JEOPARDY” THEME, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: Jeopardy. Any questions?

LAVERNE (her voice still vibrating): Yeah! How do you turn this thing off?

JEOPARDY THEME CONCLUDES.

30-second radio ad script sample, with recorded spot: “Put Your Tongue on the Radio” for “Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels”

Listen to the finished spot and compare it to the script.

30-Second Radio Ad Script
Title: “Put Your Tongue On the Radio”
For: Gene Simmons Family Jewels
Writer: Walt Jaschek

ANNOUNCER: Put your tongue on the radio. (beat) Wait, that might be a little tingly. Ahem. Don’t put your tongue on the radio. But do stick your tongue out. That’s right. Keep going. There. Good. Wow, you have a long tongue! Congrats! But it’s all relative, baby, because, sorry, you have a teeny-weenie tongue compared to…

GENE SIMMONS: I’m Gene Simmons. Rock God.

SFX: CROWD CHEERS

MUSIC: ROCK KICKS IN

ANNOUNCER: It’s the rock-meets-reality show that licks ‘em all! Gene Simmons Family Jewels – Season 2 premiere! Starring the man who has more talent than you can shake a tongue at.

GENE SIMMONS: Precisely.

ANNOUNCER: Gene Simmons Family Jewels. A&E Sunday. Oh:

MUSIC: OUT

ANNOUNCER: Please put your tongue back in. The guy is the van is staring.

Scripts © Walt Jaschek. Spots © Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved. Want new funny radio scripts written? Contact Walt!

Watch “Star Trek: Picard” for free on CBS All Access