“Ballad of Judge Wapner” Honors TV Legend on What Would Be His 100th Birthday

Funny Stuff, Music, Radio Commercials

Grab your gavels for a big birthday: the late Judge Wapner would have turned 100 this month. It’s true. November 19, 2019 will mark the 100th anniversary of the birth of Joseph Albert Wapner, legendary TV judge and pop culture icon. (I say that without irony!)

Britannica reminds us of his significance: “Born November 15, 1919, in Los Angeles, California. Died February 26, 2017, in Los Angeles. American jurist and TV personality who presided (1981–93) over The People’s Court, an immensely popular syndicated TV show in which plaintiffs and defendants from California small claims court argued their cases and accepted the judge’s ruling.”

Here’s why I personally find the 11/19/19 date worth noting, if not commemorating!

Back in the early 90s, Paul Fey and I were creating (as Paul & Walt Worldwide) a lot of radio and TV content for King World, the show’s syndicator. When we were tasked with finding a fresh approach for promoting it, I wrote the script for “The Ballad of Judge Wapner,” a 60-second radio commercial. Paul and Mathews Griffith Music brought it to glorious life, helped by the voice of the late Lance LeGault.

Give it a listen. And sing along! It’s now captioned with lyrics.

Really takes you back, doesn’t it?

Read the script.

© Paul & Walt Worldwide

Walt Jaschek is an often funny writer in St. Louis.

30-Second Radio Ad Script Examples (With Recorded Spots for Comparison)

30-second radio ad script samples, Radio Commercials

Looking for 30-second radio ad script examples? Here are five 30-second scripts from my radio advertising portfolio, along with recorded spots for comparison. Hi. I’m Walt Jaschek, and I’ve been writing radio ad scripts for 40 years, which is amazing, considering I’m only 30 years old.

This site has many radio commercials, often funny, sometimes award-winning. There are 15 of them here: both 60-second and 30-second examples.

Culled from those are the below 30-second spots, so you can see and hear how I, as the writer, communicated to the reader (and producer) how the spot should “sound.” A radio spot is really only as good as the actors. And the producer. And the director. And clients courageous enough to do something beyond the boring ordinary.

But it all starts with the script.

30-second radio ad script, with recorded spot: “Phosphorus and Magnesium” For “Big Bang Theory.”

“Magnesium and Phosphorus” (AKA “Sheldon’s Burns”)
30-Second Radio Ad Script
For: “The Big Bang Theory”
Writer: Walt Jaschek

ANNOUNCER: Magnesum burns at 2,474 degrees Kelvin.

SOUND FX: Chemicals burning in a lab

ANNOUNCER: Phosphorus burns at 3,333 degrees Kelvin.

SOUND FX: Chemicals burning in a lab

ANNOUNCER: And Sheldon Cooper burns… five nights a week.

SHELDON COOPER: You bowl like your Mama… unless of course she bowls well… in which you bowl nothing like her!

(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)

ANNOUNCER: Ouch! On The Big Bang Theory, you draw Sheldon’s fire… you’re gonna get burned!

SHELDON COOPER: That’s what I call a burn on you!

(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)

MUSIC: BIg Bang theme, under

ANNOUNCER: The Big Bang Theory. Five nights a week.

[:05 local TV station tag]

30-second radio ad script, with recorded spot: “I’m Shaving My Head!” For “Star: Trek the Next Generation.”

Listen and compare the finished spot to the script.

“I’m Shaving My Head!”
30-Second Radio Ad Script
For: “Star Trek: the Next Generation”
Writer: Walt Jaschek

MUSIC: STAR TREK THEME MUSIC, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: All over Miami, they’re shaving their heads!

YOUNG MAN (enthusiastically): I’m shaving my head!

SOUND FX: ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPERS, MOVING FROM LEFT STEREO CHANNEL TO RIGHT

ANNOUNCER: Throughout the entire Channel 6 viewing area, they’re shaving their heads!

YOUNG WOMAN (enthusiastically): I’m shaving my head!

SOUND FX: ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPERS

ANNOUNCER: They’re going for… The Jean-Luc Look!

YOUNG COUPLE (simultaneously): We’re shaving our heads!

SOUND FX: ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPERS

ANNOUNCER: Like Captain Jean-Luc Picard, the bold, bald head of “Star Trek: the Next Generation,” weekdays at four on Channell Six. Get the look!

OLD, FUNNY GEEZER GUY (enthusiastically): I’m shavin’ my head!

ANNOUNCER: The Jean-Luc Look! On “Star Trek: The Next Generation.” Weekdays at four on Channel 6.

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES WITH A FLOURISH

30-second radio ad script sample, with recorded spot: “Millions of Americans,” public service announcement for The American Optometric Association

Listen to the spot and compare it to the script.

30-Second Radio Ad Script
“Millions of Americans”
For: American Optometric Association
Writer: Walt Jaschek

ANNOUNCER: We have with us in the studio millions of Americans. Millions, welcome.

HUGE THRONG (multiple layered voices, as if a “million” people were speaking simultaneously): NICE TO BE HERE.

ANNOUNCER: We’re asking millions of Americans to get their children’s eyes examined once a year.

HUGE THRONG: ONCE A YEAR?

ANNOUNCER: Right! All in favor of annual eye exams for children three and up, say “Aye!”

HUGE THRONG: AYE!

ANNOUNCER: Say, “Eye care means you care.”

HUGE THRONG: “EYE CARE MEANS YOU CARE.”

ANNOUNCER: Say, “Sally sells sea shells by the seashore.”

HUGE THRONG: SALLY SHELLS SHE SELLS…

ANNOUNCER: Gotcha!

HUGE THRONG (sheepish): …BY THE SHE-SORE.

ANNOUNCER: A public service message from the American Optometric Association.

30-second radio ad script sample, with recorded spot: “Vibrating Water Bed” for “Jeopardy Tournament of Champions”

Listen to the recorded spot and compare it to the script.

30-Second Radio Ad Script
Title: “Vibrating Water Bed”
For: Jeopardy
Writer: Walt Jaschek

LAVERNE (seductively): Oh, Larry…

LARRY: I’m watching Jeopardy, LaVerne.

LAVERNE: It’s our honeymoon…

LARRY: All this week, it’s the first round of the Jeopardy Tournament of Champions!

LAVERNE: We have this waterbed…

LARRY: This is primo Jeopardy action! The champ wins a hundred grand!

SOUND FX: Vibrating water bed is turned on.

LAVERNE (her voice vibrating, too): It’s a vibrating water bed…

LARRY: Sorry, LaVerne! The Tournament of Champions!

LAVERNE (resigned, but her voice still vibrating): Okay..ay..ay..

MUSIC: END OF “JEOPARDY” THEME, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: Jeopardy. Any questions?

LAVERNE (her voice still vibrating): Yeah! How do you turn this thing off?

JEOPARDY THEME CONCLUDES.

30-second radio ad script sample, with recorded spot: “Put Your Tongue on the Radio” for “Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels”

Listen to the finished spot and compare it to the script.

30-Second Radio Ad Script
Title: “Put Your Tongue On the Radio”
For: Gene Simmons Family Jewels
Writer: Walt Jaschek

ANNOUNCER: Put your tongue on the radio. (beat) Wait, that might be a little tingly. Ahem. Don’t put your tongue on the radio. But do stick your tongue out. That’s right. Keep going. There. Good. Wow, you have a long tongue! Congrats! But it’s all relative, baby, because, sorry, you have a teeny-weenie tongue compared to…

GENE SIMMONS: I’m Gene Simmons. Rock God.

SFX: CROWD CHEERS

MUSIC: ROCK KICKS IN

ANNOUNCER: It’s the rock-meets-reality show that licks ‘em all! Gene Simmons Family Jewels – Season 2 premiere! Starring the man who has more talent than you can shake a tongue at.

GENE SIMMONS: Precisely.

ANNOUNCER: Gene Simmons Family Jewels. A&E Sunday. Oh:

MUSIC: OUT

ANNOUNCER: Please put your tongue back in. The guy is the van is staring.

Scripts © Walt Jaschek. Spots © Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved. Want new funny radio scripts written? Contact Walt!

“Beat-Yourself-Up Hotline” | Funny Radio Commercial & Good Copywriting Example

Copywriting Examples, Humor Writing, Radio Commercials

“Beat-Yourself-Up Hotline” is a 60-second, funny radio commercial, written by Walt Jaschek and produced by Paul Fey for Smartship.com. It stars Stewart Sloke as a caller to the hotline; turns out he’s very, very good at beating himself up. This spot also provides a good copywriting example; the script is below the video. Listen and enjoy.

Can you beat yourself up as well as THIS guy?

“Beat-Yourself-Up Hotline” | :60 Radio | Script by Walt Jaschek

HOTLINE WORKER: Beat-Yourself-Up Hotline.

CALLER: Is this Beat-Yourself-Up Hotline?

HOTLINE WORKER: Yes sir, if you’d like to beat yourself up, this is the place to do it.

CALLER: Okay, I’d like to beat myself up now, please.

HOTLINE WORKER: Go right ahead when you’re ready.

CALLER: [Ahem.] I am so stupid. I can’t believe how stupid I am. What an idiot. I left all my holiday shipping until the last minute again. Now it’s a huge hassle. Why do I have to do this to myself every year? When, oh when, will I learn?

HOTLINE WORKER (genuinely impressed): You beat yourself up very well sir.

CALLER: Thanks.

HOTLINE WORKER: But maybe you should just go to smartship.com.

CALLER: Smartship.com?

HOTLINE WORKER: Right. Type in your zip code, and smartship.com tells you the fastest, easiest, most affordable ways to do your holiday shipping, even at the last minute.

CALLER: Wow. Smartship.com

HOTLINE WORKER:Mmm-hmm.

CALLER: Why didn’t I like of that?

HOTLINE WORKER: Well…

CALLER: Why do I have to have somebody else tell me what to do?

HOTLINE WORKER: Sir…

CALLER: When, oh when, will I ever have an original idea?

HOTLINE WORKER: You are really good at this, sir.

CALLER: I’ve been told it’s a gift.

ANNOUNCER: Smartship.com. The way smart shipping is done.

© Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved. If you want a commercial like this, contact us and we’ll craft one equally funny and memorable.

Listen to our entire playlist of funny radio commercials on YouTube.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, “Good Copywriting Tips and Examples.”

“Viva La Volvo” | Funny Radio Commercial and Good Copywriting Example (Spot and Script Included)

Humor Writing, Radio Commercials

“Viva La Volvo” is a 60-second radio commercial written by Walt Jaschek and produced by Paul Fey for the Southern California Dealers Association, and amusingly depicts a woman’s love and obsession with her Volvo. The spot won many ad industry awards and serves as a good example of funny radio copywriting. The production technique, energetic music cutting in and out of one-liners, has served Paul and Walt well over the years. Take a listen.

“Viva La Volvo” Script by Walt Jaschek

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: Friend of mine said he wanted to talk to me about my Volvo. I said, “Thank you — that’s between me and my gynocologist.”

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: He said, “No, no, your car — your Volvo 850 Turbo Sportswagon.” I said, “Oh, that. No, you can’t drive it.”

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: Oh, I love my Volvo. Sure, it’s safe, but, gee, just because driving on the freeways of Southern California is the equivalent of playing bumper cars at the speed of light, what kind of reason is that?

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: Volvos are still ultra-luxury imports. Sleek and gorgeous and loaded to here. Safe and sexy and… (BEAT) pardon me, I have to go hug my car now.

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: Want safe AND sexy? Viva La Volvo! Test drive a Volvo at your Southern California Volvo dealer.

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: “Since when is safe sexy?,” another friend asked. “Hey,” I said, “what decade are YOU living in?”

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM RESOLVE INTO FINISH

© Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved. If you want a commercial like this, contact us and we’ll craft one equally funny and memorable.

Listen to our entire playlist of funny radio commercials on YouTube.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, “Great Copywriting Tips and Examples.”

“Robert Goulet” | Funny Radio Commercial for “The Simpsons” | Good Copywriting Example.

Collaborators, Radio Commercials, TV Promotion

The late Robert Goulet, acclaimed American singer and actor, provides his golden voice to this funny radio commercial for “The Simpsons” TV series. The spot, titled after the singer himself, was was written by Walt Jaschek, produced and directed by Paul Fey of Paul & Walt Wordwide, for Fox Television and when the show was first launched into national syndication. It is part of a campaign promoting what is now considered the most successful launch of a TV show in syndication history. Want to read the script? It’s here. Ready to hear the spot? Great. And now: Robert Goulet…

Read the script.

© Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved. If you want a commercial like this, contact us and we’ll craft one equally funny and memorable.

Listen to our entire playlist of funny radio commercials on YouTube.

Subscribe to Walt’s YouTube channel.

“Missing Persons” | Funny, Clio-Award-Winning Radio Ad for “Matlock” (Good Copywriting Example)

Award-Winning, Copywriting Examples, Humor Writing, Radio Commercials

“Missing Persons” is a funny radio commercial created by Paul & Walt Worldwide for the syndicated run of the TV series “Matlock” starring Andy Griffith. This spot, written by Walt Jaschek, produced and directed by Paul Fey, garnered many ad industry awards, including the Clio Award for “Best Radio Copywriting.” It stars voice talent Tom Poston and Harvey Atkin.

Click and enjoy!

It’s also a good copywriting example. Here’s the script.

“Missing Persons”
:60 Radio
Script by Walt Jaschek

SFX: Telephone ring, followed by phone pick-up

TOUGH-TALKING COP: Missing Persons.

GOOFY GUY (phone filtered:) Missing Persons?

COP: Missing Persons.

GOOFY GUY: My wife is missing.

COP: Your wife is missing?

GOOFY GUY: My wife is missing.

COP: When did you last see her, sir?

GOOFY GUY: Four o’clock.

COP: Four o’clock?

GOOFY GUY: Four o’clock.

COP: Uh, where’s your TV, sir?

GOOFY GUY: The bedroom.

COP: Have you checked IN the bedroom, sir?

GOOFY GUY: No.

COP: She’s probably watching “Matlock!”

GOOFY GUY: “Matlock” is on at four o’clock?

STERN COP: Every weekday at four on Channel Two. Go check your bedroom, sir. I’ll wait.

GOOFY GUY: Okay.

[LONG SOUND FX STRETCH: Goofy guys puts down the phone. He walks down a hallway. He opens the bedroom door. We hear a few seconds of Matlock (“Your honor, I…”) The goofy guy closes the bedroom door. He walks back down the hallway. He picks up the phone.]

GOOFY GUY: Hello?

COP: I’m here.

GOOFY GUY: She’s watching “Matlock!”

COP: I thought so.

GOOFY GUY: I didn’t know “Matlock” was on at four o’clock.

COP: Every weekday at four on Channel Two.

GOOFY GUY: She really likes Andy Griffith!

COP: Of course she does.

GOOFY GUY: She was so busy watching “Matlock” that she forgot to tell me where she was!

COP: Tell her I understand.

GOOFY GUY: Okay.

SFX: The goofy guy puts down phone, walks down hallway again.

COP: Wait! I didn’t mean now! Sir? Sir?

SFX: Goofy guy opens bedroom door. Matlock is still playing.

GOOFY GUY: Hey! My favorite episode!

ANNOUNCER: “Matlock.” Weekdays at four on Channel Two. Because there’s nothing like a good mystery!

COP: I’m hanging up now sir. Sir?

© Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved. If you want a commercial like this, contact us and we’ll craft one equally funny and memorable.

Listen to our entire playlist of funny radio commercials on YouTube.

Subscribe to Walt’s YouTube channel.