Dr. Albert Einstein has a new theory. He’s just not sure how to “market” it. In fact, he’s “pulling his hair” over it. And if this genius can’t figure it out, who can? In this dialogue-driven radio commercial, the good doctor is pointed to CreativeWorks, a “one-stop shop for all his marketing materials.” Listen to great Hollywood voice talent having fun in this spot, written and produced by Walt Jaschek for client CreativeWorks of St. Louis, and recorded at World Wide Wadio in Hollywood. The script is below.
SCRIPT “Marketing Genius” 60-second radio commercial for CreativeWorks
SOUND FX: LABORATORY SOUNDS, UNDER
HOST: Welcome back to “Creative Thinkers.” Today we’re talking with Dr. Albert Einstein.
EINSTEIN (in German accent): Hello there.
HOST: Hey, Doc, how are you?
EINSTEIN: Oh, fine, fine. (Makes a deliberate joke) At least… relatively.
HOST: You’re a genius.
HOST: Hair’s kind of wild, though.
EINSTEIN: Yeah, I’ve been pulling it.
HOST: Pulling it?
EINSTEIN: See, I’ve developed a brand-new theory…
EINSTEIN: Und I’ve been putting together a big marketing push for it. But I can’t find one place to handle all my creative materials.
HOST: Have you considered CreativeWorks?
HOST: CreativeWorks is the one-stop expert at creating complete advertising and marketing solutions.
EINSTEIN: Even for a genius?
HOST: Especially for a genius.
EINSTEIN: I’m there!
HOST: Good! By the way, Doc, what is your brand new theory?
EINSTEIN: Well, get this. As it turns out, “e” only equals “mc squared” some of the time.
(Beat as they take this news in)
EINSTEIN: Crazy, huh?
HOST: That’ll have an impact.
EINSTEIN: No kidding.
ANNOUNCER: CreativeWorks. Bright ideas…
SOUND FX: LIGHT BULB CHAIN PULLED, HARP GLISTEN, UNDER
Funny dialogue and theatre of the mind are at play in this radio spot for Miami’s NewsCenter 7 and their fraud-exposing team of reporters known as the Wastebusters. In it, a Miami businessman – Mr. Rippemoff – is not happy to hear from his assistant Dorothy that the Wastebusters are in his outer office. This is the kind of spot you don’t hear much anymore: a well acted and produced scene that’s more akin to what one of associates calls “adver-tainment.” It also helps to have clients who want it and appreciate it! (Bless ’em!) Turn up your speakers for…
:60 RADIO SCRIPT “MISTER RIPPEMOFF” For: NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters Writer: Walt Jaschek Producer: Paul Fey
SOUND FX: OFFICE INTERCOM BUZZES
DOROTHY THE ASSISTANT (voice over intercom): Mister Rippemoff?
MR. RIPPEMOFF: Yes, Dorothy?
DOROTHY: A reporter and crew from NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters is here to see you, sir.
MR. RIPPEMOFF: NewsCenter 7?
DOROTHY: Wastebusters. They expose mind-boggling wastes of taxpayers money right here in the Miami Valley.
MR. RIPPEMOFF: What do they want with me?
DOROTHY: They said you sold the government a ballpoint pen, sir.
MR. RIPPEMOFF: So?
DOROTHY: For a thousand dollars.
MR. RIPPEMOFF: Well, it came with refills.
DOROTHY: And a jar of paperclips for two thousand dollars.
MR. RIPPEMOFF: They were multi-colored paperclips.
MR. RIPPEMOFF: Red ones, blue ones…
DOROTHY: What should I tell the Wastebusters, sir?
MR. RIPPEMOFF: Do they have lights and cameras?
DOROTHY: And the ballpoint pen, sir.
MR. RIPPEMOFF: Tell them I went out my window, down my fire escape, then booked down the street, screaming like a madman.
DOROTHY: I don’t think they’ll believe that sir.
SOUND FX: FOOTSTEPS AND WINDOW OPENING
DOROTHY: Mister Rippemoff?
MR. RIPPEMOFF: (SCREAMING)
ANNOUNCER: NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters expose government waste right here in the Miami Valley. And see the Wastebusters in action.
SOUND FX: OUTSIDE TRAFFIC
MR. RIPPEMOFF: (STILL SCREAMING)
DOROTHY (yelling): You can’t escape them, sir! They’re the Wastebusters!
MR. RIPPEMOFF (running away): I know!
ANNOUNCER: NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters. Weeknights at 6. Coverage you can count on.
He’s bold. He’s bald. He’s back. “Star Trek: Picard” starring Patrick Stewart is streaming NOW on CBS All Access. You can try it for free for a week and gets tons of Trek, old and new.
Here are some funny, Picard-loving commercials for his previous show, Next Generation, which you can still watch on Prime Video. In the first campaign – both TV and radio – devoted Picard lover say they are “shaving their heads” to declare their fandom.
And last but not least, we take you back to the original auditions for the role of Jean-Luc Picard!
Hope you’ve enjoyed these audio flashbacks to an earlier era of Picard, and join us in watching the new show!
This radio commercial for early generation Southwestern Bell mobile phones established a lively, ear-catching format we used often: a stand-up comic tossing off one-liners about the product, interspersed with upbeat music. The one-liners were often self deprecating: hard to imagine brands having this much fun with themselves these days!
The spot won Clio Awards and Addy Awards, and established a campaign of spots that ran for months.
Writer: Walt Jaschek Producer: Paul Fey Agency: Paul & Walt Worldwide
Urgent and lively MUSIC begins. It’s a version of “I Get Around,” a song originally recorded by The Beach Boys. The music drops out for observations about cell service from a very droll, dry stand-up comic.
“I GET AROUND” MUSIC UP AND OUT
COMIC: I get around. When I talk on a Southwestern Bell Cellular Phone, my voice is crystal clear. That’s amazing, considering it’s not really that clear in person.
MUSIC UP AND OUT
COMIC: I put a Southwestern Bell phone antenna on my head and walked into a crowded restaurant. Forty-two attorneys tried to “dial out” on me.
MUSIC UP AND OUT
COMIC: Southwestern Bell cell service is so clear, when I’m talking to my girlfriend, it’s as if she’s right next to me. I can actually hear her withdrawing.
MUSIC UP AND OUT
COMIC: Southwestern Bell has cell service that’s trouble-free. But then, trouble is always free.
ANNOUNCER: No wonder more people go more places… with Southwestern Bell Mobile Systems.
COMIC: Someday, Southwestern Bell will be able to break us down molecularly and send our bodies through cellular phones. This might be a long way off, but just in case, I’m getting a haircut.
Grab your gavels for a big birthday: the late Judge Wapner would have turned 100 this month. It’s true. November 19, 2019 will mark the 100th anniversary of the birth of Joseph Albert Wapner, legendary TV judge and pop culture icon.
Britannicareminds us of his significance: “Born November 15, 1919, in Los Angeles, California. Died February 26, 2017, in Los Angeles. American jurist and TV personality who presided (1981–93) over The People’s Court, an immensely popular syndicated TV show in which plaintiffs and defendants from California small claims court argued their cases and accepted the judge’s ruling.”
Back in the early 90s, Paul Fey and I were creating (as Paul & Walt Worldwide) a lot of radio and TV content for King World, the show’s syndicator. When we were tasked with finding a fresh approach for promoting it, I wrote the script (below) for “The Ballad of Judge Wapner,” a funny, 60-second radio commercial celebrating what fans loved about the show.
Here it is, voiced by the late Lance LeGault. It’s now captioned with lyrics, also posted beneath.
Lyrics by Walt Jaschek
MUSIC: COWBOY BALLAD-STYLE, UNDER
COWBOY: He sits in judgment He stands for the law Kinda looks like a hero And sounds like your Pa
BACK-UP SINGERS: WAPNER!
MUSIC: HARMONICA WAILS
COWBOY: He smiles and he laughs His voice tinged with gravel But the bad-guys just gasp When he bangs his big gavel
BACK-UP SINGERS: WAPNER!
COWBOY: Judge Wapner.
BACK-UP SINGERS: JUDGE WAPNER!
COWBOY: When neighbors brawl When lovers refute When suppliers and buyers and liars dispute Wapner won’t let those lawbooks get dusty Got a buddy named Doug And a sidekick named Rusty
BACK-UP SINGERS: RUSTY!
COWBOY: With Wapner.
BACK-UP SINGERS: JUDGE WAPNER!
COWBOY: Doesn’t do it from towers Doesn’t do it from steeples He does it in court A court called “People’s”
ANNOUNCER: Judge Wapner rules on “The People’s Court”
Looking for 30-second radio ad script examples? Here are five 30-second scripts from my radio advertising portfolio, along with recorded spots for comparison. Hi. I’m Walt Jaschek, and I’ve been writing radio ad scripts for 40 years, which is amazing, considering I’m only 30 years old.
This site has many radio commercials, often funny, sometimes award-winning. There are 15 of them here: both 60-second and 30-second examples.
Culled from those are the below 30-second spots, so you can see and hear how I, as the writer, communicated to the reader (and producer) how the spot should “sound.” A radio spot is really only as good as the actors. And the producer. And the director. And clients courageous enough to do something beyond the boring ordinary.
30-second radio ad script sample, with recorded spot: “Millions of Americans,” public service announcement for The American Optometric Association
30-Second Radio Ad Script “Millions of Americans” For: American Optometric Association Writer: Walt Jaschek
ANNOUNCER: We have with us in the studio millions of Americans. Millions, welcome.
HUGE THRONG (multiple layered voices, as if a “million” people
were speaking simultaneously): NICE TO BE HERE.
ANNOUNCER: We’re asking millions of Americans to get their
children’s eyes examined once a year.
HUGE THRONG: ONCE A YEAR?
ANNOUNCER: Right! All in favor of annual eye exams for children three and up, say “Aye!”
HUGE THRONG: AYE!
ANNOUNCER: Say, “Eye care means you care.”
HUGE THRONG: “EYE CARE MEANS YOU CARE.”
ANNOUNCER: Say, “Sally sells sea shells by the seashore.”
HUGE THRONG: SALLY SHELLS SHE SELLS…
HUGE THRONG (sheepish): …BY THE SHE-SORE.
ANNOUNCER: A public service message from the American Optometric Association.
30-second radio ad script sample, with recorded spot: “Vibrating Water Bed” for “Jeopardy Tournament of Champions”
30-Second Radio Ad Script Title: “Vibrating Water Bed” For: Jeopardy Writer: Walt Jaschek
LAVERNE (seductively): Oh, Larry…
LARRY: I’m watching Jeopardy, LaVerne.
LAVERNE: It’s our honeymoon…
LARRY: All this week, it’s the first round of the Jeopardy Tournament of Champions!
LAVERNE: We have this waterbed…
LARRY: This is primo Jeopardy action! The champ wins a hundred grand!
SOUND FX: Vibrating water bed is turned on.
LAVERNE (her voice vibrating, too): It’s a vibrating water bed…
LARRY: Sorry, LaVerne! The Tournament of Champions!
LAVERNE (resigned, but her voice still vibrating): Okay..ay..ay..
MUSIC: END OF “JEOPARDY” THEME, UNDER
ANNOUNCER: Jeopardy. Any questions?
LAVERNE (her voice still vibrating): Yeah! How do you turn this thing off?
JEOPARDY THEME CONCLUDES.
30-second radio ad script sample, with recorded spot: “Put Your Tongue on the Radio” for “Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels”
30-Second Radio Ad Script Title: “Put Your Tongue On the Radio” For: Gene Simmons Family Jewels Writer: Walt Jaschek
ANNOUNCER: Put your tongue on the radio. (beat) Wait, that might be a little tingly. Ahem. Don’t put your tongue on the radio. But do stick your tongue out. That’s right. Keep going. There. Good. Wow, you have a long tongue! Congrats! But it’s all relative, baby, because, sorry, you have a teeny-weenie tongue compared to…
GENE SIMMONS: I’m Gene Simmons. Rock God.
SFX: CROWD CHEERS
MUSIC: ROCK KICKS IN
ANNOUNCER: It’s the rock-meets-reality show that licks ‘em all! Gene Simmons Family Jewels – Season 2 premiere! Starring the man who has more talent than you can shake a tongue at.
GENE SIMMONS: Precisely.
ANNOUNCER: Gene Simmons Family Jewels. A&E Sunday. Oh:
ANNOUNCER: Please put your tongue back in. The guy is the van is staring.