Humor Writing

Radio Copywriting: “Albert Einsten” in “Marketing Genius”

Humor Writing, Radio Commercials

Dr. Albert Einstein has a new theory. He’s just not sure how to “market” it. In fact, he’s “pulling his hair” over it. And if this genius can’t figure it out, who can? In this dialogue-driven radio commercial, the good doctor is pointed to CreativeWorks, a “one-stop shop for all his marketing materials.” Listen to great Hollywood voice talent having fun in this spot, written and produced by Walt Jaschek for client CreativeWorks of St. Louis, and recorded at World Wide Wadio in Hollywood. The script is below.

SCRIPT
“Marketing Genius”
60-second radio commercial for CreativeWorks

MUSIC INTRO

SOUND FX: LABORATORY SOUNDS, UNDER

HOST: Welcome back to “Creative Thinkers.” Today we’re talking with Dr. Albert Einstein.

EINSTEIN (in German accent): Hello there.

HOST: Hey, Doc, how are you?

EINSTEIN: Oh, fine, fine. (Makes a deliberate joke) At least… relatively.

HOST:  “Rela…”?

(BOTH LAUGH)

HOST: You’re a genius.

EINSTEIN: Danke.

HOST: Hair’s kind of wild, though.

EINSTEIN: Yeah, I’ve been pulling it.

HOST: Pulling it?

EINSTEIN: See, I’ve developed a brand-new theory…

HOST: Really?

EINSTEIN: Und I’ve been putting together a big marketing push for it. But I can’t find one place to handle all my creative materials.

HOST: Have you considered CreativeWorks?

EINSTEIN: CreativeWorks?

HOST: CreativeWorks is the one-stop expert at creating complete advertising and marketing solutions.

EINSTEIN: Even for a genius?

HOST: Especially for a genius.

EINSTEIN: I’m there!

HOST: Good! By the way, Doc, what is your brand new theory?

EINSTEIN: Well, get this. As it turns out, “e” only equals “mc squared” some of the time.

(Beat as they take this news in)

HOST: Uh-oh.

EINSTEIN: Crazy, huh?

HOST: That’ll have an impact.

EINSTEIN: No kidding.

ANNOUNCER: CreativeWorks. Bright ideas…

SOUND FX: LIGHT BULB CHAIN PULLED, HARP GLISTEN, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: …one stop.

SOUND FX: LAST “Tink” OF HARP GLISTEN

FADE OUT

We have an entire playlist of funny radio commercials: 15 and counting!

Want content like this? Brainstorm with Walt.

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Radio Copywriting: “Mr. Rippemoff” for NewsCenter 7

Humor Writing, Radio Commercials, scriptwriting

Funny dialogue and theatre of the mind are at play in this radio spot for Miami’s NewsCenter 7 and their fraud-exposing team of reporters known as the Wastebusters. In it, a Miami businessman – Mr. Rippemoff – is not happy to hear from his assistant Dorothy that the Wastebusters are in his outer office. This is the kind of spot you don’t hear much anymore: a well acted and produced scene that’s more akin to what one of associates calls “adver-tainment.” It also helps to have clients who want it and appreciate it! (Bless ’em!) Turn up your speakers for…

:60 RADIO SCRIPT
“MISTER RIPPEMOFF”
For: NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters
Writer: Walt Jaschek
Producer: Paul Fey

SOUND FX: OFFICE INTERCOM BUZZES

DOROTHY THE ASSISTANT (voice over intercom): Mister Rippemoff?

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Yes, Dorothy?

DOROTHY: A reporter and crew from NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters is here to see you, sir.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: NewsCenter 7?

DOROTHY: Wastebusters. They expose mind-boggling wastes of taxpayers money right here in the Miami Valley.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: What do they want with me?

DOROTHY: They said you sold the government a ballpoint pen, sir.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: So?

DOROTHY: For a thousand dollars.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Well, it came with refills.

DOROTHY: And a jar of paperclips for two thousand dollars.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: They were multi-colored paperclips.

DOROTHY: Uh-huh.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Red ones, blue ones…

DOROTHY: What should I tell the Wastebusters, sir?

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Do they have lights and cameras?

DOROTHY: And the ballpoint pen, sir.

MR. RIPPEMOFF: Tell them I went out my window, down my fire escape, then booked down the street, screaming like a madman.

(beat)

DOROTHY: I don’t think they’ll believe that sir.

SOUND FX: FOOTSTEPS AND WINDOW OPENING

DOROTHY: Mister Rippemoff?

MR. RIPPEMOFF:  (SCREAMING)

DOROTHY: Uh-oh.

MUSIC, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters expose government waste right here in the Miami Valley. And see the Wastebusters in action.

SOUND FX: OUTSIDE TRAFFIC

MR. RIPPEMOFF:  (STILL SCREAMING)

DOROTHY (yelling): You can’t escape them, sir! They’re the Wastebusters!

MR. RIPPEMOFF (running away): I know!

ANNOUNCER: NewsCenter 7 Wastebusters. Weeknights at 6. Coverage you can count on.

DOROTHY (to herself): They’ll find him.

MUSIC OUT

© Paul & Walt Worldwide

Whey, yes, we do have an entire playlist of funny radio commercials. It’s called 15 Funny Radio Commercials to Inspire More of the Same.

Radio Copywriting | “Cellular Guy” | Funny Spot for Southwestern Bell

Humor Writing, Radio Commercials, Walt Jaschek on Camera

This radio commercial for early generation Southwestern Bell mobile phones established a lively, ear-catching format we used often: a stand-up comic tossing off one-liners about the product, interspersed with upbeat music. The one-liners were often self deprecating: hard to imagine brands having this much fun with themselves these days!

The spot won Clio Awards and Addy Awards, and established a campaign of spots that ran for months.

By the way, that image in the thumbnail is Walt himself, holding his beloved iPhone 7, recommended. Check Amazon for current pricing.

Script

Writer: Walt Jaschek
Producer: Paul Fey
Agency: Paul & Walt Worldwide

Urgent and lively MUSIC begins. It’s a version of “I Get Around,” a song originally recorded by The Beach Boys. The music drops out for observations about cell service from a very droll, dry stand-up comic.

“I GET AROUND” MUSIC UP AND OUT

COMIC: I get around. When I talk on a Southwestern Bell Cellular Phone, my voice is crystal clear. That’s amazing, considering it’s not really that clear in person.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

COMIC: I put a Southwestern Bell phone antenna on my head and walked into a crowded restaurant. Forty-two attorneys tried to “dial out” on me.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

COMIC: Southwestern Bell cell service is so clear, when I’m talking to my girlfriend, it’s as if she’s right next to me. I can actually hear her withdrawing.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

COMIC: Southwestern Bell has cell service that’s trouble-free. But then, trouble is always free.

ANNOUNCER: No wonder more people go more places… with Southwestern Bell Mobile Systems.

COMIC: Someday, Southwestern Bell will be able to break us down molecularly and send our bodies through cellular phones. This might be a long way off, but just in case, I’m getting a haircut.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

© Paul & Walt Worldwide

Radio Copywriting | “Beat-Yourself-Up Hotline” | Smartship.com

Copywriting Examples, Humor Writing, Radio Commercials

“Beat-Yourself-Up Hotline” is a 60-second, funny radio commercial created by Paul & Walt Worldwide for Smartship.com. It stars Stewart Sloke as a caller to the hotline; turns out he’s very, very good at beating himself up. This spot also provides a good copywriting example; the script is below the video. Listen and enjoy.

Can you beat yourself up as well as THIS guy?

“Beat-Yourself-Up Hotline” | :60 Radio | Script by Walt Jaschek

HOTLINE WORKER: Beat-Yourself-Up Hotline.

CALLER: Is this Beat-Yourself-Up Hotline?

HOTLINE WORKER: Yes sir, if you’d like to beat yourself up, this is the place to do it.

CALLER: Okay, I’d like to beat myself up now, please.

HOTLINE WORKER: Go right ahead when you’re ready.

CALLER: [Ahem.] I am so stupid. I can’t believe how stupid I am. What an idiot. I left all my holiday shipping until the last minute again. Now it’s a huge hassle. Why do I have to do this to myself every year? When, oh when, will I learn?

HOTLINE WORKER (genuinely impressed): You beat yourself up very well sir.

CALLER: Thanks.

HOTLINE WORKER: But maybe you should just go to smartship.com.

CALLER: Smartship.com?

HOTLINE WORKER: Right. Type in your zip code, and smartship.com tells you the fastest, easiest, most affordable ways to do your holiday shipping, even at the last minute.

CALLER: Wow. Smartship.com

HOTLINE WORKER:Mmm-hmm.

CALLER: Why didn’t I like of that?

HOTLINE WORKER: Well…

CALLER: Why do I have to have somebody else tell me what to do?

HOTLINE WORKER: Sir…

CALLER: When, oh when, will I ever have an original idea?

HOTLINE WORKER: You are really good at this, sir.

CALLER: I’ve been told it’s a gift.

ANNOUNCER: Smartship.com. The way smart shipping is done.

© Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved. If you want a commercial like this, contact us and we’ll craft one equally funny and memorable.

Listen to our entire playlist of funny radio commercials on YouTube.

Subscribe to Walt’s YouTube channel.

Radio Copywriting | Viva La Volvo | Funny Monologue

Humor Writing, Radio Commercials

“Viva La Volvo” is a 60-second radio commercial created by Paul & Walt Worldwide for the Southern California Dealers Association, and amusingly depicts a woman’s love and obsession with her Volvo. The spot won many ad industry awards and serves as a good example of funny radio copywriting. The production technique, energetic music cutting in and out of one-liners, has served Paul and Walt well over the years. Take a listen.

“Viva La Volvo” Script by Walt Jaschek

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: Friend of mine said he wanted to talk to me about my Volvo. I said, “Thank you — that’s between me and my gynocologist.”

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: He said, “No, no, your car — your Volvo 850 Turbo Sportswagon.” I said, “Oh, that. No, you can’t drive it.”

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: Oh, I love my Volvo. Sure, it’s safe, but, gee, just because driving on the freeways of Southern California is the equivalent of playing bumper cars at the speed of light, what kind of reason is that?

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: Volvos are still ultra-luxury imports. Sleek and gorgeous and loaded to here. Safe and sexy and… (BEAT) pardon me, I have to go hug my car now.

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, UNDER

ANNOUNCER: Want safe AND sexy? Viva La Volvo! Test drive a Volvo at your Southern California Volvo dealer.

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM UP, SUDDENLY OUT

ELLEN: “Since when is safe sexy?,” another friend asked. “Hey,” I said, “what decade are YOU living in?”

MUSIC: HORNS AND DRUM RESOLVE INTO FINISH

© Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved. If you want a commercial like this, contact us and we’ll craft one equally funny and memorable.

See also: 15 Funny Radio Commercials to Inspire More of the Same

Radio Copywriting | “Missing Persons” | Matlock

Award-Winning, Copywriting Examples, Humor Writing, Radio Commercials

“Missing Persons” is a funny radio commercial created by Paul & Walt Worldwide for the syndicated run of the TV series “Matlock” starring Andy Griffith. This spot, written by Walt Jaschek, produced and directed by Paul Fey, garnered many ad industry awards, including the Clio Award for “Best Radio Copywriting.” It stars voice talent Tom Poston and Harvey Atkin.

Click and enjoy!

It’s also a good copywriting example. Here’s the script.

“Missing Persons”
:60 Radio
Script by Walt Jaschek

SFX: Telephone ring, followed by phone pick-up

TOUGH-TALKING COP: Missing Persons.

GOOFY GUY (phone filtered:) Missing Persons?

COP: Missing Persons.

GOOFY GUY: My wife is missing.

COP: Your wife is missing?

GOOFY GUY: My wife is missing.

COP: When did you last see her, sir?

GOOFY GUY: Four o’clock.

COP: Four o’clock?

GOOFY GUY: Four o’clock.

COP: Uh, where’s your TV, sir?

GOOFY GUY: The bedroom.

COP: Have you checked IN the bedroom, sir?

GOOFY GUY: No.

COP: She’s probably watching “Matlock!”

GOOFY GUY: “Matlock” is on at four o’clock?

STERN COP: Every weekday at four on Channel Two. Go check your bedroom, sir. I’ll wait.

GOOFY GUY: Okay.

[LONG SOUND FX STRETCH: Goofy guys puts down the phone. He walks down a hallway. He opens the bedroom door. We hear a few seconds of Matlock (“Your honor, I…”) The goofy guy closes the bedroom door. He walks back down the hallway. He picks up the phone.]

GOOFY GUY: Hello?

COP: I’m here.

GOOFY GUY: She’s watching “Matlock!”

COP: I thought so.

GOOFY GUY: I didn’t know “Matlock” was on at four o’clock.

COP: Every weekday at four on Channel Two.

GOOFY GUY: She really likes Andy Griffith!

COP: Of course she does.

GOOFY GUY: She was so busy watching “Matlock” that she forgot to tell me where she was!

COP: Tell her I understand.

GOOFY GUY: Okay.

SFX: The goofy guy puts down phone, walks down hallway again.

COP: Wait! I didn’t mean now! Sir? Sir?

SFX: Goofy guy opens bedroom door. Matlock is still playing.

GOOFY GUY: Hey! My favorite episode!

ANNOUNCER: “Matlock.” Weekdays at four on Channel Two. Because there’s nothing like a good mystery!

COP: I’m hanging up now sir. Sir?

© Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved. If you want a commercial like this, contact us and we’ll craft one equally funny and memorable.

Read a good book about funny radio commercials.

Listen to our entire playlist of funny radio commercials on YouTube.

Subscribe to Walt’s YouTube channel.