How to Kill a Pitch: Video Satirizing Ad Biz

Concepting and Copywriting, Content Writing, Humor Writing, Original Content, Short Films, Videos

Oh, creatives! Don’t fall on that sword over your favorite idea. Certainly don’t pull pistols! “How to Kill a Pitch” is a cautionary comedy video Walt Jaschek wrote on this subject, directed by Angie Lawling, shot by Chris Lawling, produced by Mercury Films. All in good fun: it’s movie blood. Client not loving your latest idea? There’s another one, you know. Come up with it and live, damn it!

Spoiler: look for a cameo by Walt himself in the final scene, amid the “agency in waiting.” Full credits on IMDB.

Bonus: For those who like to read this sort of thing, here’s…

“How to Kill a Pitch”: The Shooting Script
by Walt Jaschek

Characters:

Jon / Creative Director – Agency
Jeanette / Account Director – Agency
Bernard / Chief Marketing Officer – Client
Brooke / Marketing Manager – Client
Ethan / Office Assistant – Client

Extras: The next agency in line to present / 3 people, non-speaking, cameo

BLACK SCREEN

Fade in title: How to Kill a Pitch

Fade up sound of a small group laughing. Title fades out and the laughter bridges across the CUT TO:

INT – CLIENT CONFERENCE ROOM

Jon and Jeanette are wrapping up a presentation to clients Bernard and Brooke. It’s obviously gone well. The laughter is dying down. Jon puts the last of a series of foam core boards face down on a stack.

JON:  And with that final, funny scene, this spot serves as climax to a completely integrated, cross-platform marketing campaign that is “locked and loaded.” Let’s pull that trigger.

JEANETTE:  And from a strategy perspective, it is right on strategy. Right. On.

BERNARD:  Well, Jon, Jeanette: this is fantastic work. Wonderful. A home run. Hilarious, memorable, unforgettable, really. I was totally entertained every second.

Brooke is agreeing with her boss via a series of verbal cues:  “Right, Uh-huh, it is, yes.” The agency people are beaming. Bernard, though, has one more card to play.

BERNARD:  But…

Uh-oh. The agency people trade glances. It’s the “but.” The client’s demeanor changes to a concerned scowl.

BERNARD:  I worry. Is it TOO entertaining? TOO engaging? If we go on the air with something this noticeable, this excellent, will the spot wear out faster? Will people get tired of it? Will we have set a standard of being “excellent” that we’ll have to meet each time?

He gives the word “excellent” air quotes, of course.

Jon and Marcy are completely drained by this exasperating reaction, which they’ve obviously heard before.  It’s just too much.

JON (to Jeanette):  Will you just kill me now?

JEANETTE:  I’m sorry?

JON:  Will you kill me? Right now? Here? On the spot.

Jeanette considers this with sobriety.

JEANETTE: Well, hmmm, yes. Yes, I will. But only if you kill me simultaneously.

JON:  Simultaneously? 

JEANETTE:  Yes.

JON:  That’s a deal.

JEANETTE: Let’s do it.

JON:  I’m in.

Jon pulls a pistol from his sock.  Jeanette pulls a pistol from a Coach handbag.

The clients seem to be bemused by this. But sure enough, the CD and AE point the guns at each other.  Creative director counts down:  “3… 2…. 1…. now.”

Reaction shot of the clients as the creative director and account executive shoot each other in the heads.  BLAM! BLAM! The clients get a little splattered blood on them. We see the bodies of the CD and AE slump to the floor.

But the clients aren’t really disturbed. Brooke turns to Bernard with a studied earnestness.

BROOKE: I don’t think he knew how to answer your question.

Bernard nods. This is the right response from his subordinate. The onus is on the agency, which obviously flaked out.

KER-CHUNK! The client assistant, Ethan, opens the door to the conference room.

ETHAN THE ASSISTANT: Shall I send in the next agency?

Bernard and Brooke straighten, gather papers.  Brooke smiles up at Ethan.

BERNARD:  Certainly.

BROOKE:  Yes, please do.

CUT TO: EXTERIOR HALLWAY

Ethan, holding the smile, turn and looks down the hallway.

REVERSE ANGLE – HALLWAY – ETHAN’S POINT OF VIEW

A group of anxious, smiling people from the next agency, all holding their presentation materials, looking to Ethan for the “come hither” signal.

REVERSE ANGLE – Back to Ethan

With a small hand gesture, he beckons the next agency to advance.

CUT TO BLACK

CREDITS SEQUENCE

Quick single-screen credit cuts and scroll over a lively, jaunty “Ragtime” tune.

“See?,” the music seems to say. “It was all in good fun.”

THE END

Walt Jaschek home

Golden Adventures of Brett Hull: Issue 1 of 3

Branded Entertainment, Comic Writing, Concepting and Copywriting

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Golden Adventures of Brett Hull #1: “Slap Shot to Destiny.” Publisher: The Patrick Company. Agency: Hinkle & Company. Writer: Walt Jaschek. Artists: Don Secrease, Bill Lux, Rick Burchett, Bill Vann. Here are the interior spreads! Enjoy this journey back to St. Louis, 1994. “Hold on to your seats, Blues fans,” the story begins. “We’ve got some kind of hockey game here at the Kiel Center tonight…”

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To be continued in Issue #2: “Power Play: 2094!” (Read it now.)

Series backstory and full credits | Walt Jaschek home

Golden Adventures of Brett Hull: Issue 2 of 3

Branded Entertainment, Comic Writing, Comics, Concepting and Copywriting

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Issue #2: “Power Play: 2094” | Continued from Issue #1

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To be continued in Issue #3: “Sudden Death Overtime!”

Go back to Issue #1

Read the series backstory and full credits

Walt Jaschek home

Golden Adventures of Brett Hull: Issue 3 of 3

Branded Entertainment, Comic Writing, Comics, Concepting and Copywriting

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Issue #3: “Sudden Death Overtime!” | Read series backstory and full credits

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Read issue #1: “Slap-Shot to Destiny!”

Read Issue #2: “Power Play: 2094!”

Read series backstory and full credits

Walt Jaschek home

Funny Radio Commercials: Making Radio Advertising Listenable, Enjoyable

Collaborators, Concepting and Copywriting, Funny Stuff, Radio Commercials

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Funny radio commercials? Are they still a thing? Yes, funny radio commercials are still a thing. We specialize in ’em, and advertisers (and audiences) treasure ’em. Funny radio commercials provide an attention-getting break from the boring radio norm (radio today: zzzzzzzzzzz). Truly funny radio commercials also provide a memorable, positive, and thus loyalty-building listener experience. 

Please turn your volume up for these award-winning funny radio commercials, written or co-written by Walt Jaschek, and produced by Paul Fey, many from the heady days we were known as Paul & Walt Worldwide. 

“Robert Goulet” | :60 funny radio commercial for The Simpsons
$20,000 Mercury Award for Radio Humor

“Mission Persons” | :60 funny radio commercial for Matlock
Clio Award for “Best Radio Copywriting”


“Laugh Catalog” | :60 funny radio commerical for George Schlatter’s Comedy Club
Clio Award for “Best Use of Sound”


“Viva La Volvo” | :60 funny radio commercial for Volvo
National Addy Award winner


“Put Your Tongue on the Radio” | :60 funny radio commercial for Gene Simmons Family Jewels
Promax Muse Award for radio


“The Ballad of Judge Wapner” | :60 funny radio commercial for The People’s Court
Promax Muse Award winner for radio, National Addy Award for radio


“Millions of Americans” | :60 funny radio commercial for the American Optometric Association


“I’m Shaving My Head!” | :60 funny radio commercial for Star Trek: The Next Generation


“Larry and Laverne” | :60 funny radio commercial for Jeopardy


“Mister Rippemoff” | :60 funny radio commercial for Newscenter 7 Wastebusters


“Auditions” | :60 funny radio commercial for Star Trek: the Next Generation


Bonus fact: for this body of funny radio commercials and more, Walt Jaschek and Paul Fey were inducted into the 2018 St. Louis Media Hall of Fame. Here they are at the March, 2018, induction ceremony, with frequent collaborator, audio engineer Bill Schulenburg.

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P.S. Wondering how Paul and Walt met? How they came to make funny radio commercials together? The University of Missouri-St. Louis student newspaper just published a story about that: and the answer involves a soft drink neither of them now consume. Check it out.

Need a new, high-impact, laugh-your-ads-off campaign of funny radio commercials? You know who to contact.

Hi. I’m Walt Jaschek. Ready to Write, Create and Brainstorm – Now!

Comic Writing, Concepting and Copywriting, Content Writing

 

As a blissfully freelance, St. Louis-based writer of copy, content and entertainment, I’m thinking big and living large. At least in my own imagination. Luckily, my imagination is also my livelihood. (Whew!) See a few scenes from my typical writing day of writing, brainstorming and pacing in the video above. Then examine the resulting creative work throughout this site, with examples of my:

Copywriting

Content writing

Comics writing

Also represented are some my creative musings; real-life moments; kind recommendations; scintillating press coverage; creative treasures; and even a guide to pronouncing “Jaschek.”

Walt Now Creative. At your service. Need big ideas and killer copy? Contact. Now!

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