“Missing Persons” is a funny radio commercial created by Paul & Walt Worldwide for the syndicated run of the TV series “Matlock” starring Andy Griffith. This spot, written by Walt Jaschek, produced and directed by Paul Fey, garnered many ad industry awards, including the Clio Award for “Best Radio Copywriting.” It stars voice talent Tom Poston and Harvey Atkin.
Click and enjoy!
It’s also a good copywriting example. Here’s the script.
“Missing Persons” :60 Radio Script by Walt Jaschek
SFX: Telephone ring, followed by phone pick-up
TOUGH-TALKING COP: Missing Persons.
GOOFY GUY (phone filtered:) Missing Persons?
COP: Missing Persons.
GOOFY GUY: My wife is missing.
COP: Your wife is missing?
GOOFY GUY: My wife is missing.
COP: When did you last see her, sir?
GOOFY GUY: Four o’clock.
COP: Four o’clock?
GOOFY GUY: Four o’clock.
COP: Uh, where’s your TV, sir?
GOOFY GUY: The bedroom.
COP: Have you checked IN the bedroom, sir?
GOOFY GUY: No.
COP: She’s probably watching “Matlock!”
GOOFY GUY: “Matlock” is on at four o’clock?
STERN COP: Every weekday at four on Channel Two. Go check your bedroom, sir. I’ll wait.
GOOFY GUY: Okay.
[LONG SOUND FX STRETCH: Goofy guys puts down the phone. He walks down a hallway. He opens the bedroom door. We hear a few seconds of Matlock (“Your honor, I…”) The goofy guy closes the bedroom door. He walks back down the hallway. He picks up the phone.]
GOOFY GUY: Hello?
COP: I’m here.
GOOFY GUY: She’s watching “Matlock!”
COP: I thought so.
GOOFY GUY: I didn’t know “Matlock” was on at four o’clock.
COP: Every weekday at four on Channel Two.
GOOFY GUY: She really likes Andy Griffith!
COP: Of course she does.
GOOFY GUY: She was so busy watching “Matlock” that she forgot to tell me where she was!
COP: Tell her I understand.
GOOFY GUY: Okay.
SFX: The goofy guy puts down phone, walks down hallway again.
COP: Wait! I didn’t mean now! Sir? Sir?
SFX: Goofy guy opens bedroom door. Matlock is still playing.
GOOFY GUY: Hey! My favorite episode!
ANNOUNCER: “Matlock.” Weekdays at four on Channel Two. Because there’s nothing like a good mystery!
Try not to laugh at this funny radio commercial, especially the final few seconds.
One of the first radio collaborations between Walt Jaschek and Paul Fey was this Clio-award-winning (“Best Use of Sound”) spot for George Schlatter’s Comedy Club, a King World TV series showcasing stand-up comics. When tasked with promoting the upcoming premiere, the duo had no access to clips. “Got no options, got no problems,” they said. No existing content freed them from using clips, and pushed their thinking. “What’s the real, human benefit of this kind of show?,” they asked, and came up with an answer: laughing out loud. The idea for “cataloging” types of laughter was born during a brainstorm on Walt’s front porch, but turning it into great audio fell to producer/director Paul, engineer Bill Schulenburg, and some very funny laughers from the L.A. talent pool. Tip: listen ’til the end.
This commercial is also a good copywriting example. Here’s the script by Walt Jaschek.
“Robert Goulet” | :60 Radio for the Simpsons.
ANNOUNCER: And now, mister Robert Goulet reads from “The Writings of Bart,” the collected, after-school blackboard writings of young Bart Simpson. Mister Goulet.
SFX: CLASSICAL MUSIC, UNDER
ROBERT GOULET: I will not trade pants with others.
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
I will not Xerox my butt.
A burp is not an answer.
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
I will not eat things for money. I will not bring sheep to
class. I will not instigate revolution. My name is not Doctor Death.
ANNOUNCER: To experience all of Bart’s after-school blackboard
writings, watch every classic episode of The Simpsons.
ROBERT GOULET: I will not call the principal, “Spud Head.”
Heading to the 2019 St. Louis Addy Awards at Busch Stadium tonight, to cheer on the winners, be inspired by the work, and see old friends. It’s with no small bit of nostalgia that I realize I have been attending the St. Louis Addy Awards for exactly 30 years.
And though I’ve won my share of Addys over the years, none of the wins can compare to that first night, in 1989, when I won not one but two “Best of Show” Addys at the ceremonies at Powell Symphony Hall. It was a mind-boggling night my 33-year-old self was not prepared for. I was also not prepared for the article by Jerry Berger that appeared in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch the next morning.
Here’s a clip of the piece, which everybody from my Mom to my dentist saw. (Back then, everybody read the paper.)
Headlined “Ad Writer Steals Show,” the article, accompanied by a mustache-laden head shot of my 33-year-old self, begins:
“Walter S. Jaschek, a free-lance advertising copywriter, stole the show the annual ADDY Award competition Thursday night at Powell Symphony Hall.
“Jaschek, who has an office on the South Side, won three gold and two Best of Show awards for advertising produced in St. Louis between Oct. 1, 1987, and Sept. 30, 1988.
“Jaschek submitted only three in the almost 900 entries received by the ADDY committee,
“‘I’m glad I made the right decision last April to free-lance,’ said Jaschek, a former member of the advertising management staff with Southwestern Bell Telephone Co.
“In the Best of Show category, Jaschek won in the radio and print categories. The radio winner was a 30-second commercial, ‘Laugh Catalog,’ for the Comedy Club, which Jaschek created by teaming up with former St. Louis Paul Fey; the print winner was themed, ‘Warm, Personal Letter,’ created to announce the opening of Jaschek Ink.” (The name of my business then.)
The article concluded:
“Hollywood entertainer John Byner served as master-of-ceremonies for the program, which marked the first held away from a hotel without a dinner.
“Of the more than 2,400 guests at Powell, 500 were advertising students from 24 colleges.”
Part 2: Looking Back at 1989 from 2019 (Video and Interview.)
A few months ago, the St. Louis Ad Club, to promote the 2019 St. Louis Addy Awards, asked members for “unusual Addy memories” they could capture on video and post on social media. I was only too happy to recall that first, very surreal win, and how it led to what became known as “The Red Underwear Story.
That’s a crisp and wacky 60 seconds, but the interview went longer. Here’s more of the Q & A.
Q: Let’s get warmed up….tell us a little about yourself. Name, title, where you work, a quick journey through your life in the ad business.
Walt: I’m Walt Jaschek, freelance copywriter and creative strategist, and because Jaschek is impossible to spell or pronounce, I DBA as Walt Now, as in, “What Now?” I have been so blissfully self-employed since 1988, and if you do the math, that means more than 30 years. So don’t do the math.
Q: What’s the difference between a copywriter and creative strategist?
Walt: Pants. Copywriters wear jeans. Creative strategists wear khakis. So today I come to you as a copywriter. But I have some khakis handy.
Q: What’s your perspective on the focus on winning awards in the advertising business?
Walt: Well, I think there are three reasons they are the big dang deal that they are. (1) We work mostly in anonymity – if you write an article or draw a New Yorker cover, you get a byline. They don’t put bylines on ads, though God knows I’ve tried. It’s a way of saying, “Look. I did this. Me. Do you like it?” (2.) Agencies know awards represent a creative culture, and culture attracts talent. And (3.) let’s cut to the chase: ego. Creatives are a roller –coaster of insecurity and egomania. I mean, would I carry this award around with me if I had more self-esteem?
Q: What about the Addys specifically? How does an awards show that is geared towards the local level different than national shows?
Walt: The appetizers are better. Here in St. Louis, you’re far more likely to see toasted ravioli. You’re not gonna get THAt a Cannes. No, seriously, I think it’s a matter of building community. Of representing. Saying, look at the work coming out of St. Louis. Take that… Austin. Or to keep it in the district: check it out… Des Moines.
Q. Do you remember your first Addy?
Walt: Sure. You always remember your first.
Q. Do you remember how many Addys you’ve attended?
Walt: No. I’d have to count the hang-overs.
Q. Is there a specific Addy story you’d like to share with us today?
Walt: I won my first “Best of Show” Addy in 1988 when I was 33 years old, my very first year of freelancing, for the ONE and ONLY THING I submitted that year: a one-page piece of a paper — a funny letter announcing my business launch. Unprepared, I had to go on stage at the Fox in front of a huge crowd to accept from comedian John Byner, and pictures of me from the podium have a shocked, deer-in-headlights quality. I improvised something about being glad I wore my “lucky red underwear.” That was too much information, now and then.
Q. But the red underwear thing became a running joke, right?
A. Right. That line became a running joke, and at another Addy ceremony years later, when I teamed up with Paul Fey and won a “Best of Show” for radio, we actually brought red underwear up to the podium and threw them into the audience. People were grabbing at them, like Fred Bird throwing t-shirts at Busch Stadium. For years after, people would say to me in public: “I still have your underwear!” Depending on who I might be with, that could be a little disconcerting.
Q: What lesson can we take away from your Addy story?
Walt: My quite serious take-away from that silly story is this: Enter SOMETHING. Even if it’s it’s only ONE thing. And even … if it’s the ONLY thing you got. ‘Cause, who knows? Weird stuff happens.
Q. What piece of advice would you give to anyone considering entering the Addys this year?
Walt: iBuprofen. Take it early And often. Also: have a speech prepared. Just in case. otherwise. You could end up like me. (Holds up Addy award with red underwear draped over it.)
Winner of “Best in Show” in the National Healthcare Advertising Awards, this rebranding campaign for Central Baptist Hospital system in Lexington, Kentucky, expressed the health care brand’s combination of high-tech… and “high-touch.”
The hospital wanted to advertise its new technological advances. Writer Walt Jaschek and client agency Maring Weissman wanted to ensure those advances were communicated via their very human benefit, the one every single patient wants most: getting back home, healthy.
Walt wrote the new tagline, “This is Care,” then used the “this is” phrase as the structural basis for a series of print ads, TV spots, banner ads and outdoor boards. Here are are few of the print ads in the campaign, a series of double-page newspaper spreads. Credits below.
“Alan’s Heart”
Headlines: “This is the machine that healed Alan’s heart.” / “This is Alan’s heart.”
Donna’s Life
Headlines: “This is the CyberKnife™ that saved Donna’s life.” / “This is Donna’s life.”
“Steve’s Blood Flowing”
Headlines: “This is the stroke-preventing device that keeps Steve’s blood flowing.” / “This is Steve’s blood flowing.”
“Nathan”
Headlines: “This is the monitor that keeps close tabs on Nathan.” / “This is Nathan.”
Here are two more of the mounted ads from Walt’s portfolio.
Left ad: Sensitive Mom. Headlines: “This is the highly sensitive digital mammogram that saved Mom.” “This is highly sensitive Mom.” Right ad: Ben’s Back. Headlines: “This is the procedure that fixed Ben’s back.” “This is Ben’s back.”
The integrated “This is Care” campaign was extended into all media, including radio and television. Here’s “Alan’s Heart,” as seen on TV.
Client: Central Baptist Hospital Agency: Maring Weissman Writer: Walt Jaschek Designers: Paul Maring, Chuck Hart Creative Director: Paul Maring
TV production: Arbor Group
